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  #61  
Old 08-22-2014, 12:36 AM
nour1234 nour1234 is offline
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Originally Posted by submissive_male4u View Post
Ron,

I disagree with Focal. I believe your Mistress is always right. She has set high standards for you and you should be more obedient in complying with her orders.

If I were you, I would do better and give her surprises, and show her your love... and try to buy her gifts, and compete with her boyfriend and win her heart.

I think you have a special place in her heart... and show that your crave her... so that she will feel more fulfilled...

Please give it a try and see what happens

Samuel

You're a dumbass.
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  #62  
Old 08-23-2014, 5:18 AM
hansderhans hansderhans is online now
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If that is a real story ...

Where is the fun for you?

Do you still have a job were you can earn money?

I agree, she is torturing against your free will. This isnt a game, and she knows it. If you ever get out she would be afraid to be sent to jail. Thats why she is trying to break you more and more.

So if you want to leave, you should if she is away, otherwise she really might kill you. From what you have written here you could already died through a heart attack.

Beautiful or not, maybe you have lost a normal view. There are many beautiful women...

Are you strong enough that you could overpower her? Make sure she doesnt have a weapon with her if you are trying to confront her. Otheriwise ask for a friend to come when you do it.

Dont sign anything.

There are professional people who can bring you out, any good security service who provides for personal protection is able to, even is she is armed. Surely she might have planned something in case you confront here, since she knows it is highly illegal, even if you disagree.
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  #63  
Old 08-29-2014, 5:14 PM
SlaveRon SlaveRon is offline
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I could never hit her or fight back. It is difficult to explain but there is something she has done psychologically to me that I could never think about doing this. No matter how bad it gets and how badly she beats me I could not and mainly because of fear and conditioning. I am truly terrified of her in a way that is difficult to explain and greatly fear what she would do to me if I put up any resistance.

I know it is hard to imagine but once someone has established this power authority and dominance and has beaten you repeatedly, you do not have the ability or strength to fight back anymore. The only thing I can think of is obeying her respecting her and pleasing her.

There were some instances where i had thrown temper tantrums. Not physically fighting back but more emotionally; yelling shouting in anger and trying to break away. These were dealt with by more restraining and such severe punishment that I was beaten until I had no energy to cry anymore.

One time I will never forget. She restored to whipping and torturing my chest and nipples so badly until they were soar raw and badly bleeding. Then rubbing her feet and heels over them with me chained underneath her. It was a horribly merciless torture and after a long time my nipples were so sensitive that even the slightest rub with her bare feet would send me quivering and screaming in pain. I was desperately begging her to let me continue licking her feet knowing each time she removed them from my mouth she was going to rub them over my swollen nipples again. The punishment lasted hours with much crying and begging and it was all because I could not handle myself emotionally had thrown this tantrum.

If I ever fought back physically she would torture me even worse. And endlessly. And I really mean endlessly. She would beat me for weeks and months straight with some of the most painful tortures imaginable. I know better than to ever do something like this. It's frightens me to even think of it. But it is not in my mind to put up resistance. My body and mind react on their own when she is my presence. I do not have control and it is very autonomic that I am bowing to her and ready to obey every command.

If she is in an unpleasant mood or carrying a whip in hand I will often tense up so much that I am frozen in fear and I can not even think straight let alone think of fighting back.

It is hard to imagine it would be this bad but it is very true. And it is because she has trained me and conditioned me for a very long time now that I understand how bad if can be.

Sometimes I will get a rush of adrenaline and anger from being beaten yet I know to control myself now. I could never lash out at her or she will put me through hell. She often reminds me that I am a slave and slaves are beaten so they do not make the same mistakes again. Although it is a harsh way to be treated and I hate to admit it, it is true I will never make the same mistakes twice. Never. In this way it is has been a very effective way of disciplining me and making me work harder.

The other thing is I am almost always kept in chains when she beats me so I can not fight back even I wanted to.

Leaving is the only thing I can do and so that is what I often think is the only way out of this. If I am to stay than Samuel is correct the only thing I can do is try harder to please her. But I don't even know how else to do this. I have done virtually everything I can and it never seems like it is enough. I spend thousands and thousands buying her everything she can want. Jewelry clothes, shoes, bags, vacations. All so she is happy and so I am not tortured as badly. I obey everything. Work all day and night to serve her and please her. But still I can never seem to satisfy her and get on her good side.

She has not beaten me since that very bad beating i posted last, but she has come very close. And the only thing that saved me was begging desperately kissing and licking her feet. Practically crying shackled at her feet and promising over and over again to try harder. Stopping only to bow to her and repeat the words please have mercy miss. It was a very pathetic display and I really mean this is desperate begging and intense worship at her feet.

She does not need to do much now to send me into a frantic and frenzied state. Just sitting and looking at me is enough to terrorize me. Especially when she is dressed and wearing heels or wearing something sexy as I know this is when she is more likely to beat me and gets off torturing me.

If I were to leave I do not think I would be able to give her any advance notice. I fear she will torture me worse so I would have to leave but I do not know how to do this. I will keep updates when I can. Thanks for the comments.

ron
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  #64  
Old 09-02-2014, 1:50 PM
spankme1 spankme1 is offline
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I think you ARE going to leave her. It's just a matter of when you snap out of your Stockholm Syndrome and eventually do it. You contemplate leaving her more and more with each post you write; that's how I know this. And it's totally BS that she'll torture you if you tell her you're leaving. She's a smart woman, the MOMENT you tell her you want out is the moment your arrangement stops being consensual. If she hits you after that point you have grounds for litigation. Hell you probably have grounds for litigation right now. Just get out of there.
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  #65  
Old 09-06-2014, 2:57 PM
submissive_male4u submissive_male4u is online now
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ron,

i really suggest you to stay and try your best to follow her instructions...

i really think you have a chance to win her heart... please be creative and do something new, something that you haven't done before, so that you can surprise her...

i think that is the way to go. please do not escape the reality by walking away...

however, if you do decide to leave, please let me know, so that i can be your replacement

samuel
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  #66  
Old 09-09-2014, 7:50 PM
SlaveRon SlaveRon is offline
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Thank you all for the comments. The last couple weeks I have been trying harder to come up with more ways to please her and have tried to accept my situation. I have gotten very tired of this internal struggle about leaving or staying and it has been draining. I don't think I can leave right now and lately I have been feeling very dependent on her. I feel I may have lost control over everything. Can not think or make any decisions anymore and I get this strong thought that I need her to guide me now. It is like I need her approval and direction at all times even when she is not around.

I don't know what changed but now I am relying on her at all times and I want her to beat me or approve of me. I've been feeling the only way to make peace with this is to serve her better. I know I have gone back and have changed my mind many times about this but now I can not see myself leaving her at all. It may be that I am feeling helpless hopeless and scared from being treated this way for so long or it may be that I feel it is my duty to please her. I have been wanting badly for her to acknowledge me even if it means punishing me. Very odd and trying to sort it out. Its just that I feel deserving of whatever she decides now because it gives me some direction and I can not think straight.

I know I felt strongly like this the other night. When she came home she immediately placed me in shackles and gagged my mouth. I was in process of cooking and serving her dinner but still she made me finish cooking with them on. I served her dinner and cleaned up and then she had ordered me to come kneel beneath her on the spiked mat as she relaxed on the couch. She placed my arms into a stock device and instructed me to keep still and focused on her feet. As always she looked very amazing and beautiful. Skirt and black stiletto heels and looking particularly sexy. I suspected she was going to demand a foot massage and would then explain all the mistakes I had made and beat the hell out of me. But she did not do this. She just sat their with her legs crossed observing me in my very nervous and helpless state.
I really wanted her to just get on with the beating or let me rub her feet or tell me she approved or something. I'm always scared of being punished and I was this time too but I was looking at it differently like I deserve whatever she gives me. I just wanted her attention. I wanted direction and orders cause I can't think straight. If I failed her than it was okay and I would be beaten for it or if she was to say she was happy with my services the last couple days than this would be even better and maybe she would demand I rub her beautiful feet but I needed to know something. But she just left me just kneeling shackled motionless silent and helpless staring at her feet and drooling from having a spider gag in my mouth for so long. I couldn't take the silent treatment and couldn't take not knowing what she was thinking. I felt like I wanted to scream out but I didn't even know what or why.

I have noticed I have been feeling more like this now the last couple weeks and I'm not sure what it means but I've been more committed to her because there is really nowhere for me to turn to and go so I think I should obey her and pray she does not make my life miserable.

But the one thing I still hope she can have mercy on is keeping me shackled and restrained this much and sleeping in shackles. I was very close to breaking down again about this because it is still very difficult and cruel to sleep like this night after night. Sometimes 12 hours of chains on my hands and feet. And she also put me back in chastity two weeks ago so this is very painful too but I am lucky she has not left the gag on overnight because she said she may do this now too if I can not hold it together.
I want to ask her politely to please consider having mercy on me and not make me sleep shackled but I am fearing she will punish me more for asking. I don't know how to ask without getting her angry?
If the punishment were not so severe I would take chance and ask, but I know that it will be a very severe punishment if she is not happy with me for asking. Anytime I have asked these things in the past I have been whipped or caned badly. Last time I requested something like this it resulted in an excruciating full body whipping. I thought I was going to pass out from the pain. It was bad suffering and lots of tears. I don't know if it is worth asking this.
But I feel like I need her now and need her approval. And I know I go back and forth but it is hard to manage these emotions because there is real torture that can happen if she senses that I am not
making a strong effort at my service. And even worse punishment if I can not serve her feet properly. It's difficult to keep control and focused when she orders me to give a foot bath or massage still because i have been beaten so baldy so many times following this and all I won't to do is please her and make her happy so she does not have to do this. So if I fell myself to accept it than I am thinking now she may not beat me or torture me so bad because it will show in my behavior. It has I been long hard slavery now and I don't see another way but maybe it is due to being chained and beaten so often as this can confuse things. But I think it may be healthier if tomorrow I could wake up and consider leaving again.
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  #67  
Old 09-10-2014, 3:51 AM
slvesal slvesal is online now
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slave ron
i understand where your coming from, a number of years ago, i was in the same type of relationship, in which it did end with me being released. If this does happen, you will feel devastated in which life would have no meaning, but if it does happen, you have to remember that there are others who have gone through the same situation in which life will continue and you will move on even though you would feel otherwise.
i know when i agreed to become a slave years ago, it was not as a partner, or equal, but that of a slave and or property. It is natural to want to develop the relationship and hopefully to be the only one in her life, but as a slave it is nota normal GF/BF relationship, it is that of the slave serving Her every need and desire. It is being owned mind/body and spirit in which the spirit part is not easy for any Human to take ownership. It is by far the most intense relationship any slave that has that deep desire could ever attain in life.
When it ends, it is like tearing your whole being out and wonders if life will go on, in which I can affirm that life will continue. If your Owner decides to end it because she gets involved in another relationship, it probably will end if Her partner chooses not to have you around. If the partner is accepting it could be a lifetime of servitude if this is what you ultimately want. It is my opinion that you will not leave on your own accord, since at this time although you have your hopes of something different, that decision of release will be at this time your Owners decision. i still wish that in my previous Mistress/slave relationship continued today, but it does not control what happens today in my life.
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  #68  
Old 09-13-2014, 3:09 PM
SlaveRon SlaveRon is offline
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slave ron
i understand where your coming from, a number of years ago, i was in the same type of relationship, in which it did end with me being released. If this does happen, you will feel devastated in which life would have no meaning, but if it does happen, you have to remember that there are others who have gone through the same situation in which life will continue and you will move on even though you would feel otherwise.
i know when i agreed to become a slave years ago, it was not as a partner, or equal, but that of a slave and or property. It is natural to want to develop the relationship and hopefully to be the only one in her life, but as a slave it is nota normal GF/BF relationship, it is that of the slave serving Her every need and desire. It is being owned mind/body and spirit in which the spirit part is not easy for any Human to take ownership. It is by far the most intense relationship any slave that has that deep desire could ever attain in life.
When it ends, it is like tearing your whole being out and wonders if life will go on, in which I can affirm that life will continue. If your Owner decides to end it because she gets involved in another relationship, it probably will end if Her partner chooses not to have you around. If the partner is accepting it could be a lifetime of servitude if this is what you ultimately want. It is my opinion that you will not leave on your own accord, since at this time although you have your hopes of something different, that decision of release will be at this time your Owners decision. i still wish that in my previous Mistress/slave relationship continued today, but it does not control what happens today in my life.
Thank you for the comments. Exactly what you say is how I have felt a long time about leaving. I think life will not go on and will no be the same if I am not serving her. Like it will be uninteresting meaningless and I will be lost without her. This is problem. I also have this hope of it developing into something of a real relationship but I see this is entirely an unreal expectation because I am nothing but absolute property to her. She does not even see me as human and I have almost no interaction with her outside of my slavery and service anymore.

It is interesting you have experience with this. Not a lot of people understand what it is like to submit to real slavery. Not just being chained and tortured but living your life everyday to serve someone else. Having no rights no freedom no control and depending on your owner for everything. Even food and water. Nothing is taken for granted because you can be chained starved and beaten whenever it is decided so obeying everything and making your owner happy is all you can do.

If my mistress did not have such busy schedule she would probably torture me more but she has many things going on in her life. Many exciting things and does not really have time to deal with me nor does she want to deal with me. If she is going to take time out of her schedule to punish me she is gong to make it count and it will be extreme and harsh corrective punishment so I will not make the mistake again. I am not part of her life in any real way and I am ignored almost all of the time. With the exception of my footslavery and service to her feet I have very little interaction with her unless she is punishing me for poor service or not completing chores. As I have said I knew she was doing this purely for my services and I knew she found it amusing and enjoyable to watch me suffer but I did not know it would be so extreme when i signed up.

So there are many days i would like to leave. Contradictory but most days I want my freedom back badly and do not want to live in constant chains doing chores. I would be crazy if I enjoyed living this way. I hate it very much but I believe I may hate it more if I was not serving her. I also don't have anywhere to go or turn to and it's hard to envision anything else so I feel it is my only choice now. Also I I mentioned on my last post there are many other circumstances that make it hard to leave and even harder to negotiate or fight back. This is out of the question no matter how bad it gets. I did not want to mention this last time but there are quite a few people looking out for her. I don't feel good getting into details but I will say she comes from a very connected family and friends with lots of power and money. To say she is wealthy would be an understatement. That is partly why it is beneficial for her to have me in the house serving her like this. There is a great deal of property and grounds to maintain and if I was not here taking care of it there would be someone else hired to do it. Using me allows her a free grounds keeper butler chauffeur and also her more income from me and her own slave pet that she can beat and torture. She is also young enough that she has time to do this now before she settles down and has a family. There is a lot of privacy and the house is situated with good distance from the surrounding houses still there are neighbors aware I live in the house. But they are not a bit suspicious when they see me chauffeuring her and working because they think I am hired for work or her live in butler.

Someone suggested fighting back and leaving if things got bad enough. I am certain if something foolish like this was done the wrong people would show up at my door and they would settle the problem in a bad way. Or even worse they would bring me back to her and i can not imagine what would happen. For this reason and the other reasons stated it is really up to her to release me. I may be able to take my chances and leave without notice and maybe there would not be a problem, but there also could be if she is unhappy about it. I do know fighting back and leaving in any way that results with her getting injured could end with me chained and beaten in her basement for as long as she decides. No one may want to here this but if she decided this there is nothing I can do stop it.

But all this aside she has retrained the way I think about everything day to day. And it has been effective because she has used punishment methods to do it. Because it has been done over long period it has become so deeply ingrained now i associate a lot of things with pain and punishment. This is especially true with attention or service of her feet. I will never kneel at her feet again without attaching the thought of punishment. You can not be beaten so many times before after and during worship or massage and not feel this way. I wonder what it may be like to kneel at her feet or be in her presence and not feel this way. Because I am so accustomed to living this way now what is important to my mistress has become important to me and what is her priority is my priority. Whatever she wants must be done and I do not feel or think on my own much anymore.

Despite a lot of this I have strangely grown more attached to her and have become more obsessed with her but question if I do feel this way or I only feel this way because I am forced to feel this way? Because I will be beaten humiliated and tortured badly if I I do not feel this way? I don't know if all this was beaten into me or if it is real.

But it amazes me the ways in which she has modified my behavior through punishment. I will not forget shortly after I first signed up and moved in she had beaten me for some of my mistakes with chores. Of course the punishment was brutal and it was one of the first of many extreme beatings I had gone through. Chained to a rack in the basement and whipped with a short bullwhip for a long time. What I did not know until half way through the whipping was there was a video camera on a stand behind me.
For many weeks after she would make me watch the video to remind me what will happen if I do not serve her to her liking. You can see me screaming shaking and bleeding on the rack. I am crying out to her and dangling from the it because I can not hold myself up. You can hear loud cracks of the whip ripping through my flesh and see cutting open of my skin. She walks around me naked in black pumps torturing me and verbally humiliating me until am begging for mercy. She looks incredible but it is a graphic video and you can see it is real torture. At the end there is close up of my deep wounds and bleeding and then i am taken down from the rack and ordered to lick and worship her feet and still she is threatening to put me back up on the rack for further whipping if I do not lick properly.

You can not believe what it was like being forced to watch this video night after night with her reminding me she would beat me even worse if l made any mistakes serving her. Watching it was reliving the pain all over again and it had a lasting effect on me mentally from watching it so often. Eventually I began to have images in my mind all night of being whipped by her. It has a powerful effect when you see yourself enduring this. Sadly that beating would become more regular and then I was wishing to watch the video instead. But this is what I am saying about modifying and changing my behavior with punishment. A lot i have learned the hard way. Perhaps you can identify with some of this? Thank you again for the comment.
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  #69  
Old 10-04-2014, 9:40 PM
Atalmus Atalmus is offline
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Ron,

If everything you've written here is true, then you need to leave. She is not your owner. She is not a domme. She is an abusive psychopath. Ignore anyone who tells you to stay; they are masturbating to your suffering because it's just a fantasy to them, and they either don't grasp the consequences, or just don't care.

You are in danger, and this woman has manipulated you into a position where her philosophy of "there's the door, feel free to walk if you don't like it" is a falsehood: she takes most of your money, to leave you in a more helpless state. She tells you it's "all or nothing". Everything about your situation is engineered to make that door not an option. So, you must make it an option. Get up. Walk out. Tell her you are done. If she lays a hand on you after that, call the police. Show them your scars. Show them the video. Let her be thrown in jail with people who give zero fucks about how compelling her personality is.

She has already caused you permanent damage in the form of scars all over your body, and she makes excuses to inflict that damage upon you. What happens if she has a truly bad day? A bad week? What happens when you slip up in some truly meaningful way?

She starved you for five days. Starving someone for more than three days can cause liver damage, and death.

Tell her you are done. Get up. Walk out.
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  #70  
Old 10-05-2014, 8:44 PM
SlaveRon SlaveRon is offline
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Ron,

If everything you've written here is true, then you need to leave. She is not your owner. She is not a domme. She is an abusive psychopath. Ignore anyone who tells you to stay; they are masturbating to your suffering because it's just a fantasy to them, and they either don't grasp the consequences, or just don't care.

You are in danger, and this woman has manipulated you into a position where her philosophy of "there's the door, feel free to walk if you don't like it" is a falsehood: she takes most of your money, to leave you in a more helpless state. She tells you it's "all or nothing". Everything about your situation is engineered to make that door not an option. So, you must make it an option. Get up. Walk out. Tell her you are done. If she lays a hand on you after that, call the police. Show them your scars. Show them the video. Let her be thrown in jail with people who give zero fucks about how compelling her personality is.

She has already caused you permanent damage in the form of scars all over your body, and she makes excuses to inflict that damage upon you. What happens if she has a truly bad day? A bad week? What happens when you slip up in some truly meaningful way?

She starved you for five days. Starving someone for more than three days can cause liver damage, and death.

Tell her you are done. Get up. Walk out.
Thank you for the comment and concern. I understand what you are saying and agree very much it is best to leave but still I am struggling to find a way. Years of punishment abuse and isolation from real life has made it hard to do so. She has manipulated me into thinking that I need her and has also beaten me over such a long time that i am truly terrified of her. I know I am not thinking correct and I know i am strong enough but when i think about what to do and where to go and that I will be leaving her and this life I pull back. I also get a feeling of deep dread and fear and think about how badly I can be punished. But I know it does not make sense because if I leave she can not punish me. Still anytime I think about doing something that goes against her I think about pain and punishment.

Like you say there is also the issue of not having money saved or anywhere to go after. She has drained me of all money for years and also I am in chastity so this is problem and I would need her to unlock me. But I know she has messed with my mind too much and I know I need to leave because each day I have stayed here longer it has been harder to leave. I think back to a year ago when I thought I would leave because she was relentlessly beating the hell out of me for improper service of her feet and it seemed difficult to do at the time but now I wish I can go back because it is even harder now.

I am also physically and mentally exhausted more than ever and this also makes it hard to leave. I spend every minute working for her with chores cleaning maintenance service and it is work day and night. I have no energy left to think about how to leave. And when I am in her presence I am always in shackles and I have not slept without them in over one month. Many nights this month I have also had to sleep in the restraining chair.

I have now been thinking about asking her to maybe release me instead of leaving but I don't know if this is a good idea because I fear she will torture me more. But I am scared of leaving now without her permission and I can not disrespect her in any way. I know it is difficult to understand or imagine but I am not able to easily do something she does not approve of. Mentally it is hard for me to imagine. You must understand this is someone who has ripped through my flesh and has spent hours torturing me for even looking at her wrong or forgetting to bow to her. This has been years of slavery and service with harsh consequences. I have grown to understand nothing more than obeying and kissing her feet.

Just to give an idea I accidentally talked back to her last week and have been whipped every night since. I really did not mean to talk back in a bad way and it was not my intention to disrespect her. I will save all details but she was very unhappy and said that I will be whipped every night with a minimum of 70 lashes and if she is not happy with me she will beat me more. So I have been taken into the basement every night for 5 days now and she whips me as I crawl around naked on all fours chained and blindfolded. I end up in a fetal position in the corner of the room. Sometimes with her digging one of her heels into me as she stands over me and beats me. Even after the 70 lashes are through she is not done with me and will then have me lick her feet as she relaxes and threatens to whip me more if she does not like the licking. It is truly terrifying and I am in pain from the whipping and licking and sucking her toes like some tortured animal. Begging badly for her to not beat me again. Two of the nights she was unhappy with the foot licking and began adding more lashes until she added 80 more after already having taken 70. It was very pathetic and cruel and I was really crying like a baby to her to please have mercy. I would stop to put my chained hands in a prayer position begging and then bowing to her over and over. Real tears coming down my face and as she instructed me to keep licking her feet. I could do nothing to stop her from adding lashes and was even caressing her legs and feet yelling "no please I beg you" over and over. My mouth slobbering all over her feet and legs kissing them passionately and crying for mercy.

I would like to say this is not fun and not a game. It is real hard torture and worship. I am bleeding and broken with welts and bruising and terrified as I know there is no mercy unless she decides and no limit to the torture she will put me through. It is difficult to keep control and I am chained so I can not even leave if I had the courage or strength to.

It is this type of torture that reminds me never to disrespect her and keeps me in line serving and working to please everyday of my life. Tonight I was whipped the 70 lashes and an additional 20. I have 2 more nights left of this and then I am lucky to be done with this punishment so I am grateful for this.

I am going to continue to think about asking her if she will release me but not sure. If she did give me the okay it may be easier to plan and make arrangements to leave. And I will feel better knowing she is okay with me leaving as I do not think it is a good idea anymore to leave without her consent but if anyone reading does have a thought about this i would like to hear. thanks
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  #71  
Old 10-07-2014, 5:51 PM
submissive_male4u submissive_male4u is online now
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Ron,

thank you for your descriptions. i just don't think a beautiful lady can be that cruel... i think there must be something that you can do... maybe praise her beauty? make her happy? i think there are a lot of things you can do to make her happy, which is the only thing you should do...

how's her social life? does she bring girlfriends or boyfriends home nowadays? i think that will be your opportunity to present yourself to make the situations better.

if i were you, i would also purchase her gifts, such as shoes such as sexy boots, flowers such as roses, etc, or help her the best way you can with her work, both housework and professional work... what does she do professionally? anything you can help there?

i think it is good that she only whips you, not kicking or beating you using other tools that would cause you permanent damage such as fractures...
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  #72  
Old 10-07-2014, 6:57 PM
Focal Focal is offline
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I hesitate to write to this thread anymore because it is so disturbing.

Ron if you were to blurt out "your killing me" or "I can't take it anymore" what would happen. She would be legally on notice at some point after that.

If she constantly needs more then she will have to realize she is going to permanently hurt you, let up or let you go.
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  #73  
Old 10-09-2014, 11:58 AM
hansderhans hansderhans is online now
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What i dont understand, why are you allowed to use the internet and go in this forum either?

What kind of work are you actually doing? Or do you only work for her domestically?
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  #74  
Old 10-10-2014, 4:13 PM
SlaveRon SlaveRon is offline
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Focal I have said this to her many times and she does not care. She sees it that I am property to her and deserve whatever punishment she gives. She knows she is putting me through torture and hell but she feels it is necessary to keep order and keep me serving her to the best of my ability. I have begged and cried endlessly to her that I understand my role and respect her more than anything and have pleaded to her that she does not have to put me through these punishments to keep me in line but she does not see it this way. She feels punishment and pain is a necessary part of my slavery. Apologizing and promising is not enough. And telling her she is killing me and I can not take it is also not enough. Many nights I have kneeled before her begging desperately saying things like "I promise I will never do it again. please i promise you. Please believe me. Please I beg you for another chance. Please I can not take it anymore." Crying trembling in fear bowing kissing her feet repeatedly. Worshipping in the most desperate and intense ways imagineable. None of this makes a difference to her. Sometimes she will stand before me carefully observing me in this state leading me to believe she is considering mercy but it is all for her amusement and so she can see me break down crying and pathetically begging. Other times she will stand over me caressing a whip in her hands taunting and intimidating me. Starring right through my fear stricken eyes as I shed tears with a frenzied and terrified look on my face. And sometimes when I know she is going to beat me badly I have even thrown tantrums pleading that i will do virtually anything for her in exchange for a whipping. Like a 2 year old flailing around in my chains crying promising and yelling that "I didn't mean it" or "it is not fair." Begging desperately for her to let me lick her feet because I know it is the only thing I can do to prove my devotion and mercifulness.
This is humiliating beyond any ones imagination but if you were to see my punishment you would understand why I lose control in this way because I am helpless desperate and terrified. I have also gotten angry with her yelling and shouting back at her but this has ended in some of the worst punishments I have ever been through and I am very careful to not let my emotions take over again no matter how badly the pain is.
My point is I have tried everything and I have said everything but it will not change the way I am treated. I try not to take it personally because I know this is what she would do to any slave she owned. She is of the mind set that she deserves whatever she wants and even if she is the slightest unhappy with anything she reserves the right to punish.
I believe listening to all this would bring you back to the question of why then I am subjecting to this and why I have not left? As I have stated this has been my dilemma for a long time now and there are many complications to leaving. I also realize I would have to give her advance notice because she will need time to find a maid or butler and possibly other workers for the house and outside work. I am terrified of just leaving without notice for many reasons but i know she would be angry about this and I can not disrespect her and do something like this or it would be a serious problem that could result in protracted slavery with even less freedom.

Submisisvemale4u i am indeed very grateful that she does not use some punishment methods that would cause permenant harm to me. She very rarely inflicts CBT punishment with the exception of a chastity device, ball shocker and sometimes clamps and clothespins on my testicals. But this is not bad considering she could use painful CBT that could harm me if she wanted to. She also does not use needles and does not physically punch me kick me or use physical violence like strangling or chocking.

She will give severe face slapping quite often and most times it is very extreme to the point of huge red welts and bruises on my face. One time I did wake up to find the right side of my face was welted and swollen so baldy that my right eye was closed shut and I had trouble seeing out of if for a couple days. But it was not damage to my eye, just that my face was very swollen and covered my eye. It was a big red welt and looked like I was in fist fight but it was really from a face slapping. It was very intense punishment. My face burning eyes tearing and I was sweating profously as she slapped me relentlessly for over an hour. I was chained with hands behind back and a ball gag in mouth so I could not speak or do much but moan to her. After about 45 minutes she removed the gag and I began kissing her feet pleading for her to stop telling her I was sorry and would make it up to her. She did not listen to my crys for mercy and continued slapping my face viciously until I was a crying mess. Still I do think this is better than punching kicking and physical violence.
But even not giving these punishments she still uses many different forms of very painful punishment over the years. So many that it would take far too long to list here.
It is also true the majority of her punishments are whippings and canings but I don't think this is good because she is shockingly cruel and very merciless with these. There is also very large selection of them and some are extremely painful that even a few lashes can bring me to my knees and draw blood. I agree with your suggestion to continue to please her and praise her. I think this is best because i know I will be punished much less if she is happy with me. Until I can find another plan I know I must do this so i do not go to bed covered in lashes and welts every night.
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  #75  
Old 10-11-2014, 9:04 AM
man under foot man under foot is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Atalmus View Post
Ron,

If everything you've written here is true, then you need to leave. She is not your owner. She is not a domme. She is an abusive psychopath. Ignore anyone who tells you to stay; they are masturbating to your suffering because it's just a fantasy to them, and they either don't grasp the consequences, or just don't care.

You are in danger, and this woman has manipulated you into a position where her philosophy of "there's the door, feel free to walk if you don't like it" is a falsehood: she takes most of your money, to leave you in a more helpless state. She tells you it's "all or nothing". Everything about your situation is engineered to make that door not an option. So, you must make it an option. Get up. Walk out. Tell her you are done. If she lays a hand on you after that, call the police. Show them your scars. Show them the video. Let her be thrown in jail with people who give zero fucks about how compelling her personality is.

She has already caused you permanent damage in the form of scars all over your body, and she makes excuses to inflict that damage upon you. What happens if she has a truly bad day? A bad week? What happens when you slip up in some truly meaningful way?

She starved you for five days. Starving someone for more than three days can cause liver damage, and death.

Tell her you are done. Get up. Walk out.
i'm agree with altamus. You have to leave. if you continue like this, she will kill you one day.
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