Jadis
06-12-2008, 10:32 PM
A random train of thought occurred to me the other day while I was having lunch with my favorite Lady and partner Domme; Mistress Sara: What makes a man (or woman, I suppose, for that matter) ... submissive?
I read recently in a previous thread that some believe that it's merely a show - something the male (we'll use male in this instance ... considering I am a female Dominant discussing the subject) does to get what he wants from the female. Leading her to believe she's in control when at any moment the man might change the tune. True. I've seen this ... to a fault. But not all male subs out there are in it for themselves and the jollies they derive. No. Some men are genuine, full hearted - and full blooded - submissives.
Which brings me to my thought ...
For instance: my own boy. Now don't go getting me on the topic of submissiveness vs. male masculinity ... that's a whole different barrel of fish (considering that I believe a man can be masculine and strong while still being submissive in the fullest sense of the word). But I digress ... he is, completely, a submissive. A fact brought home strongly during the afore mentioned conversation over lunch with Mistress Sara. He's not just "pretending" to be submissive ... he IS submissive. In both our play and in many matters of our real life relationship.
You may wonder: now how he's submissive outside of the play scene. That's actually a rather simple explanation and you'll find more men are of that ilk than believed ... especially in those true hearted submissives I spoke of previously. For starters: I'm head of house hold. No. It's not just a title ... I mean; I really am head of the house hold. Both authoritatively and in documentation. It's on our lease, in our rental papers, on all the bills and titles. It's my name you see and I'm the one that gets the calls (and let me tell you ... that can be a pain in the ass sometimes).
Secondly: I pay all the bills. He contributes his share of course, but it's my desire to do so myself (yes, I could fob off all the menial tasks to him ... something I do on occasion when I need a break ... but my motto has been, and always will be: if you want something done right, do it yourself - and besides, I like knowing where my money is going). In fact, speaking of money: I control it. I dictate where it goes, to what purposes, and I make the most share of it too (again, rather irksome ... especially in light of current situations - but one does what they must).
Also, there's the fact that all family decisions tend to run through me. Not to mention the basic emotional behaviors and support that I can always count on: he's always concerned about my happiness first, he always checks in with me and makes sure I'm taken care of - cared for - and alright. He thinks of me when he's out shopping (that boy is stead fast in bringing me home my favorite drink or a movie I've been lusting over). He buys my drinks when we're out, and always makes sure they're refilled to my liking. He complements me endlessly and encourages me to spoil myself often. I am a Princess to him: and that's how I like it.
But what made him like this?
So I began to think about it ... specifically in terms of my boy. Oh sure: we have our problems, our misunderstandings, our irritations (good God can someone please teach this boy the proper way house work is supposed to be done ... it's just not in his genetics) ... but in his soul he's a submissive, a gentleman and - on frequent occasion - Saint (believe me: I can be honest with myself and admit that I'm not the easiest person to live with ... but, alas - it's who I am :)
Well - not surprisingly: his mother was an exceptionally strong woman. I mean this woman could snap most military personal into place and they'd still ask "how high". She's authorative, commanding, and a very powerful Dominant ... naturally I might add (I'm pretty sure she's never considered the life - though she'd be marvelous at it ... well, save she's not very sexual - rather asexual in fact). I even remember during our very first dating days - my boy mentioned that one of the things he liked most about me was my "strong" personality. Well now I see why. It's how he was raised.
True: she made some serious mistakes in his up bringing (for being Dominant, she catered and spoiled those boys too much ... I'm still working on reprogramming him appropriately: such as in the afore mentioned "cleaning" department) ... but she also ingrained in him a respect for women, a viewing of them as strong, individual, independent creatures with a vast abundance of personal power. He learned that it's "ok" to open doors, pull out chairs, buy tokens and gifts and compliment her ... even at her worst.
But he also learned that the woman makes the rules and enforces them. That she's the boss, that it's her say and that her voice and opinion are heard. Now that doesn't mean he doesn't have thoughts or ideals of his own: on the contrary - he's very outspoken, very literate and has some very strong opinions. He just values a woman's authority and abides willingly and comfortably by it. You ask him who wears the pants in his family is: and he wont pause ... he'll tell you straight up it's his mother.
And that, I'd think - is a prime start into submissiveness ...
(to be continued)
I read recently in a previous thread that some believe that it's merely a show - something the male (we'll use male in this instance ... considering I am a female Dominant discussing the subject) does to get what he wants from the female. Leading her to believe she's in control when at any moment the man might change the tune. True. I've seen this ... to a fault. But not all male subs out there are in it for themselves and the jollies they derive. No. Some men are genuine, full hearted - and full blooded - submissives.
Which brings me to my thought ...
For instance: my own boy. Now don't go getting me on the topic of submissiveness vs. male masculinity ... that's a whole different barrel of fish (considering that I believe a man can be masculine and strong while still being submissive in the fullest sense of the word). But I digress ... he is, completely, a submissive. A fact brought home strongly during the afore mentioned conversation over lunch with Mistress Sara. He's not just "pretending" to be submissive ... he IS submissive. In both our play and in many matters of our real life relationship.
You may wonder: now how he's submissive outside of the play scene. That's actually a rather simple explanation and you'll find more men are of that ilk than believed ... especially in those true hearted submissives I spoke of previously. For starters: I'm head of house hold. No. It's not just a title ... I mean; I really am head of the house hold. Both authoritatively and in documentation. It's on our lease, in our rental papers, on all the bills and titles. It's my name you see and I'm the one that gets the calls (and let me tell you ... that can be a pain in the ass sometimes).
Secondly: I pay all the bills. He contributes his share of course, but it's my desire to do so myself (yes, I could fob off all the menial tasks to him ... something I do on occasion when I need a break ... but my motto has been, and always will be: if you want something done right, do it yourself - and besides, I like knowing where my money is going). In fact, speaking of money: I control it. I dictate where it goes, to what purposes, and I make the most share of it too (again, rather irksome ... especially in light of current situations - but one does what they must).
Also, there's the fact that all family decisions tend to run through me. Not to mention the basic emotional behaviors and support that I can always count on: he's always concerned about my happiness first, he always checks in with me and makes sure I'm taken care of - cared for - and alright. He thinks of me when he's out shopping (that boy is stead fast in bringing me home my favorite drink or a movie I've been lusting over). He buys my drinks when we're out, and always makes sure they're refilled to my liking. He complements me endlessly and encourages me to spoil myself often. I am a Princess to him: and that's how I like it.
But what made him like this?
So I began to think about it ... specifically in terms of my boy. Oh sure: we have our problems, our misunderstandings, our irritations (good God can someone please teach this boy the proper way house work is supposed to be done ... it's just not in his genetics) ... but in his soul he's a submissive, a gentleman and - on frequent occasion - Saint (believe me: I can be honest with myself and admit that I'm not the easiest person to live with ... but, alas - it's who I am :)
Well - not surprisingly: his mother was an exceptionally strong woman. I mean this woman could snap most military personal into place and they'd still ask "how high". She's authorative, commanding, and a very powerful Dominant ... naturally I might add (I'm pretty sure she's never considered the life - though she'd be marvelous at it ... well, save she's not very sexual - rather asexual in fact). I even remember during our very first dating days - my boy mentioned that one of the things he liked most about me was my "strong" personality. Well now I see why. It's how he was raised.
True: she made some serious mistakes in his up bringing (for being Dominant, she catered and spoiled those boys too much ... I'm still working on reprogramming him appropriately: such as in the afore mentioned "cleaning" department) ... but she also ingrained in him a respect for women, a viewing of them as strong, individual, independent creatures with a vast abundance of personal power. He learned that it's "ok" to open doors, pull out chairs, buy tokens and gifts and compliment her ... even at her worst.
But he also learned that the woman makes the rules and enforces them. That she's the boss, that it's her say and that her voice and opinion are heard. Now that doesn't mean he doesn't have thoughts or ideals of his own: on the contrary - he's very outspoken, very literate and has some very strong opinions. He just values a woman's authority and abides willingly and comfortably by it. You ask him who wears the pants in his family is: and he wont pause ... he'll tell you straight up it's his mother.
And that, I'd think - is a prime start into submissiveness ...
(to be continued)