3 Really bad short stories, Ordered to go.

[nubian]

Please be warned. These stories haven't been proof read and are exactly the way I received them. So please don't put out a arrest warrant on me for destruction of the english language. These stories are true and will remain true until you get to the point that you throw them on the ground and yell "Bull shit". After that I will fold my arms and turn away from you never to speak to you again. With that said .... Here goes.
Tickle Me Smellmo
My wife and I have a great relationship. We truly are each others best friends. Most of the time we goof around and we simply enjoy the everyday comedy that is life. We see humor in things that others don’t. One day we were in bed watching TV and my wife started laughing. I didn’t because I didn’t quite get the joke. My wife tried to explain it to me and I told her that I understand why it was supposed to be funny, but it didn’t do it for me. She told me that I better find that funny or else. I told her or else what. She then jumped on me and started tickling me. I am an extremely ticklish person, especially in the stomach area. She kept trying to tickle me and I kept blocking her. I had my stomach covered and she was over my head reaching down at my arms trying to pull them away from my stomach. She kept trying to tickle me but I was blocking her. She was really pulling at my arms and when she almost has them apart, I would block her again before she can tickle me. For some reason, out of the blue she decided to go from having her body hover over my head to sitting down on my face. It was a tough situation for me because the minute she sat on my face I immediately tried to push her off. That left her open to tickle me. I was more concerned about stopping her from tickling me than the fact that now she was smothering me. She sat on me and bounced on my face lightly saying” I know you can’t possibly be getting any air so submit yourself to letting me tickle you”. I kept my ground while trying squirm from underneath her. She started to sit on my face hard and slowly shake her ass in a circular motion while telling me “I hope you’re smart enough to know that air is much more important than being tickled. Finally she won out and I reached and lifted her about 12 inches off of my face. When I did this she tickled me again and I automatically went to block her. I let go of her and she came crashing down on my face so hard I don’t know what happened. I remember everything but then I don’t. I remember her telling me to hold my head up because my nose was bleeding but I really didn’t recall what happened between that. Plus after all that the joke still wasn’t funny.

[nubian]

Party Animals

My girlfriend Vicky always likes to go to clubs with her cousin Yolanda. Yolanda’s boyfriend Bernard wasn’t into clubs so he would never go out with her. Vicky was jealous of Bernard because Yolanda and she always did everything together and she wanted it to be that way again. I was going to drop them off at ladies night downtown. I had to work so I would meet them later. When Vicky and I went into the house Yolanda greeted us at the door. She told us she will be right out because she just had to get some money from Bernard. After about 5 minutes we heard them arguing in the bedroom. We can hear Bernard yell at Yolanda and tell her that just because I allow Vicky to slut around with guys at single bars he wasn’t going to allow her to do it. They were going back and forth until we started hearing fighting sounds. Vicky asked me to go and stop them. I told her it’s not my fight. I heard Bernard yell “Your ass is staying in this house”. I then heard Yolanda keep yelling “Let me go” over and over again. I hear a noise like glass breaking and then I heard a sound like a table tipped over. Vicky punched me and told me to peak in. I told Vicky “Look I don’t think Yolanda is going to be able to go so let’s just leave them alone”. I grabbed Vicky and was heading for the door when I heard Yolanda yell at the top of her lungs “Let me go you asshole”.
I looked at Vicky and said “Oh for crying out loud you won’t be satisfied until I look in, will you?” Vicky looked at me and smiled. I walked up to the bedroom door and peaked in. Bernard had Yolanda by the legs and was holding on to her while she was trying to get to the dresser to get her clothes she wanted to wear. She had on panties and a bra. Both Vicky and Yolanda are both solid built woman at 5’6” and 204-210 each. Both are heavy in the butt area.

Yolanda was trying inch away from Bernard but he was holding on to her legs. He was braced against the bed and he had his feet dug into the floor. Yolanda was really getting pissed. She stood up and surprised Bernard by dropping her ass onto his face as he was against the bed. She pushed him back onto the bed and sat down on him with all his weight. The weight she had put on his face forced the rest of his body up off of the floor. The only part of Bernard touching the floor was his feet. She then closed her legs around his arms as he was trying to get her off and she held on to them. I walked out of the room and told Vicky that I think we should wait because Yolanda may be going after all. Vicky ran up to me and asked me what that asshole Bernard did to her cousin. I opened the door wide so that she can see. Yolanda was bouncing on Bernard’s face yelling “Are you still going to stop me now ass hole”. Vicky looked and started laughing. Vicky yelled at Yolanda “Girl your going to kill that man”. She bounced on 2 more times really hard and then she stood up and said “I am going out whether you like it or not”. When Yolanda got up Bernard fell off the bed onto the floor and he was out cold. I looked and asked her if he was alright and she said “I don’t care I will check when we get back home”. She turned off the lights and we all left. When we returned Yolanda to her house that night Bernard was gone and so were all of his personal belongings. I laughed and told Vicky “You won; Yolanda is single again so you two are free to be the party animals you are”.

[nubian]

Big Sin

Seneca is a big girl. She isn’t fat just big boned. She is very popular amongst the bad boys and the people of the street. Her boyfriend Gregg is low key and very quiet but a very good thief. Seneca is about 5’9” 260 lbs big breast, big butt and about 5 months pregnant. They always had some stupid scheme to raise money. The latest one they had is that Seneca will bump into some body breast first, while they are concern that they might have hurt her baby, Gregg steals their wallet from their back pocket. It works pretty well because Gregg would walk behind people and signal Seneca ahead when he see’s a victim that has their wallet in their back pocket. They did it a couple of times until they ran until this one guy. He had one of those wallets with a chain on it. For some reason he had the whole wallet in his pocket chain and all instead of attaching the chain to a belt hoop like you’re supposed to. Well Seneca had bumped into the gentlemen like she has done so many times and Gregg grabbed his wallet. As Gregg pulled out the wallet the chain came unraveled and the guy felt it being pulled out of his pocket.
He quickly turned around as Gregg was about to run and jumped on him grabbing his legs. Gregg fell to his knees and was trying to pull free from the guy. Seneca tried to pull the guy free and almost succeeded but as the guy fell on his butt he grabbed Greggs Pockets and soon was attached to Gregg’s pants. Seneca climbed over the man and was trying to hold the guy down while Gregg escapes. Gregg was dragging the guy down the street when finally he yelled to Seneca that the guy was pulling down his pants. The guy started to yell for someone to call the police. Seneca decided it was time to shut this guy up and sat on the guy. I don’t think that the guy thought of the risk of a big ass woman standing directly over his face. Seneca sat on this man’s chest and told him to let go He didn’t care and tried to tell Seneca to get her fat ass off of him. Seneca wasn’t trying to hurt the guy so she wasn’t sitting with all of her weight. She lifted off of the guy’s chest and moved back and sat directly onto his face. Gregg fell on the ground after the man suddenly let go of his pants. When he turned around and saw the man’s face barley visible under Seneca’s ass he yelled “Damn Seneca, What are you doing”. Seneca stood up for a few seconds and unzipped her pants (because they were too tight on her tummy when she sat down) and sat right back down on the guy’s face. She said her pants were too tight against her belly when she first sat on the man’s face. Gregg ran up and said “Come on sin I got his wallet”. Seneca looked up at him and said “this guy is out; we got all the time in the world.” Gregg looked down at his head as it protruded out from under Seneca’s huge ass. He said “We only want to rob him and not kill him so come on.” Seneca took her time getting up and it was a sight to watch her rubbing her tummy while her victim lays on the ground out cold. She bent over and took off his watch and emptied out the contents of his other pockets. She then settled back down on his face. Greg yelled, “What are you doing”. Seneca looked back and said “I am looking at what I took from him, would you stop worrying this guy is out”. Gregg ran back up and said “look Seneca this guy is probably dead. I don’t think you understand that your big ass probably smothered that guy to death”. She stood up and walked off saying “Well, if this guy is still alive he should thank you for saving his life instead of being mad at you for robbing him.” When Gregg told me this story all I could do was to envision in my mind this poor guy smothering under Seneca’s huge ass. It’s an unbelievable thing to imagine if you ever saw “Big Sin”

[nubian]

Which of these poetry gems do you hate the least. One of these stories is actually true, The other two I have to take the word of the sender. Just a simple note: I am a major instigator and you will really be surprised how easy it is to get someone to sit on someone's face in a fight just by suggesting it. When a woman is fighting another one they are looking for anyway possible to hurt or humiliate the other. The only problem with it is that its a very hard thing to do because the victim has to be defensless and unless there is a 100lb weight difference that isn't going to happen. 90% of the facesitting fights I see the actual facesitting last 3-5 seconds at most. Of that another 85% of the people turn their heads sideways. So the percetage of actual fights that I seen that are worth mentioning rates in the low double digits unless your counting competitive freindly wrestling matches. So if you feel that I have posted too many stories and enough is enough let me know. I aim to please the Board and nothing but the Board.

[assmanl]

nubian,

i really like reading these stories you are posting here, and I try to imagine them as real, and to be honest, some of them sound like they really happened. Makes it more exiting to read.

[Sauur]

I think the tickle one is real but I like the thief one the best. She really didn't care about te guy under her!

[bcted]

I liked the first story the best. FYI, there is no such thing as posting too much on this board. Thanks.

BC

[nubian]

Thanks for the comments. As funny as this may seem between my own experiences and the tons sent in by friends over the last 10 years I have over 1,000 stories. Some are so idiotic to be believed and some actually provided me with ideas that I explored to actually be true. One of my favorites is a Star Wars Spoof that I ahev but its so long it would take forever to read it .

[assmanl]

nubian, please send more of these stories if you can.

[Noops]

Thanks for the stories man.