Should I have to pay to be with a Dominatrix?

[blackvoyeur]

Is paying the only way to get teased properly and have a genuine face sitting or queening experience. Surely I can’t be the only guy out there who has wrestled with this question? By the way this is not a moral question for me it has more to do with mutual pleasure.

My background is that of a retired hardcore swinger and Dom who has been lucky enough to live out almost all my fantasies several times over and on a regular basis. Although I met and fucked several women I had a rule and that was never to knowingly arrange to meet up with any couples or ladies that imposed a blanket no kissing rule. My interpretation was that with such people you were only there as a prop. For a lot of guys that was fine. They would tell me, all they needed was a hole to fill. The flip side is also true with a handful of the ladies at swinging parties too. Very horny to watch, but just not my thing.

Mind you as a Dom I used to get a real thrill giving my sub slut a multiple cock treat and fucking her after the event while telling her what a bad girl she had been mmmmmm. But that’ s a story for another type of forum……………..;-)

Personally, I saw it as a barrier to developing chemistry between people, which for me was more important than looks.

So where do I go from here? Strictly speaking I am not a sub because I still have strong instincts as a Dom. However my cravings to sniff and worship pussy and arse while being teased and humiliated can only be described as submissive. So I suppose it is more accurate to refer to myself as a switch.
This is my dilemma. I used to meet women and couples through swinging sites but for this particular fantasy I can’t find any takers. Yes there is interest but always with the aim of things leading to a fuck, but that is not what I want anymore.

Conversations keep leading to the same point. The woman says she would be happy to meet up and then says when she offers me her pussy I won’t be able to resist…………ahhhh it so misses the point. So I end up having to politely but firmly decline the offer AGAIN. My instinct is to give as well as receive pleasure so I don’t want to leave anyone I meet feeling unfulfilled.
On the flip side I am wondering if my desires are too tame to satisfy a dominatrix. I don’t want to be whipped, CBT no thanks, boot licking wouldn’t do anything for me and only mild spanking and water sports turn me on.
The other solution would be to pay an escort who dabbles with dominatrix work but then the same concern comes to mind. Will she really be into it or would I just be seen as an easy money punter because she gets to take my money without having to break a sweat?

My dream is to meet a woman that gets genuinely turned on just from teasing me. One that gets moist when she flashes her panties at me and sees the bulge in my pants. One that can at least get close to cumming just from the sensation of sitting on my face with her panties or tight leggings. Knowing that the aroma of her sweaty pussy and arse filling my nostrils gives me a lustful pre-cum leaking hard on.

Is that woman a prick tease or a dominatrix? Don’t know, don’t care. I just know that I want that genuine experience and I’m willing to wait for the real thing. Is that too much to ask for?

Have any of you lads or ladies out there been through a similar thought process? I am very keen to find out?

[DanniPandemos]

On the flip side I am wondering if my desires are too tame to satisfy a dominatrix. I don’t want to be whipped, CBT no thanks, boot licking wouldn’t do anything for me and only mild spanking and water sports turn me on.
The other solution would be to pay an escort who dabbles with dominatrix work but then the same concern comes to mind. Will she really be into it or would I just be seen as an easy money punter because she gets to take my money without having to break a sweat?

There are two aspects to this. Finding someone who will do the physical activity with you and finding someone who will provide a genuine emotional response.

In terms of finding someone to do the physical activity your best bet is to find an escort who caters for domination fantasies too. Very few professional Dominatrices permit intimate body worship.

For the emotional response, someone you pay is no more likely to provide the response you want than someone you don't pay. If anything it's *less* likely, not more.

The bottom line is that you're looking for something very particular and, as such, will find it very hard to find someone without compromising the purity of your fantasy.

[blackvoyeur]

Thank you Danni,

You have certainly given me a lot of food for though. I was not aware that a pure dominatrix would probably not honour me with so much arse on face physical contact.

Thank you

[Stryder]

Well a dominatrix is usually professional so unless she is a friend you will have to pay and should. I have met many dominatrixes over the years and I would only consider paying a small few of them (but I can do my thing with many non dominatrixes for free but dont mind paying for someone I really want to suffer for and who is unattainable otherwise and we also paid our models well when I was operating the site).

I find that some high class working girls are much more fun and much more intense than dominatrixes. Some of them really enjoy the difference and really get into it as opposed to so many of the pro dommes just doing the same routine for each person with a kink and actually acting quite bored generally. Some get too involved in the protocol and what they think should take place and that is fine if you want that but if you are paying then it should at least be something you want and enjoy.

[blackvoyeur]

Yet more good advice, thank you Stryder. Perhaps the best way forword is to be firm about what I want speak to a few dommes trust my instints and not worry about wether the lady is an escort, lifestyle or pro.

Danny

[Stryder]

Exactly. Some of my best friends over the many years started out as working girls. The higher class ones are usually students and end up professionals of some type and they are paying for University etc. Of course the lower level workers are usually addicts the poor things but should really be avoided unless you want someone not quite thinking straight. I have befriended an amazing woman I met recently in the sex industry and she is one of the most incredible persons I have met for a long time, funny, witty, smart, stunning and absolutely loves my fetish she and her girlfriend nearly destroyed this old battle cruiser. We are going out soon and I dont care what she has currently been doing for work as she is fantastic and would probably be a more loyal and honest partner or girlfriend for someone than most 'straight' girls.

You should always make it very clear in any paying situation what you are looking for and what your limits etc are. I remember being tied up by a pro dom when I was a very young Stryder, which I kind of put up with but then she went to the next room to work on another client and kept coming back and forward between us and never brought her feet or heels near me. I escaped her stupid knots and left and she could not understand why I was pissed for being so ripped off. And this was one of Sydney's best establishments. I have a gorgeous friend who is a pro domme but she is honestly so lame at what she does (although has many fans I liken her to the bad dark haired goddess chick who collected souls in True Blood season 2) that I really cannot enjoy the few times she has trampled me at clubs. She wanted to work with the site when I was involved with it and I did not want her to. She did some work with it after I left. She is very attractive but it is all about her looks and how many hearts she can win rather than any real talent.

[blackvoyeur]

I can relate to that. I my past life as a swinger it was not unusual for me to bump into the odd escort etc. It was never a problem for me. Besides which I have always had a weakness for “bad girls” with nice personalities lol
Whether I go for an escort or pro domme I will certainly go for one/some for whom quality is more important than quantity. One that is willing to exchange a handful of emails so that we can get a sense of each other and not be disappointed when we meet.
By the way what is the name of this site you were involved with?

Danny

[Stryder]

stryderman.com plus DVD's and clips for sale back in the day.

[solesmear]

I remember all that and loved what you did back then.

[Mistress1984]

Is paying the only way to get teased properly and have a genuine face sitting or queening experience.
My dream is to meet a woman that gets genuinely turned on just from teasing me.
OK, it was hard for me to stay away from this without answering. I'm making this as cut a dry as possible without writing a whole chapter.
#1 As far as your question is concerned if your using the time of a Dominatrix you should be paying. Service is service unless you are supplying her with something she needs, for example: she wants to increase or update her site with new photographs and doesn't have anyone that will allow their face to be seen and there you are willing to go there. This is how I handle it anyway. The slave or client is helping me by supplying a service and will not be charged for doing what I request. Lucky for him it's what he enjoys. I have one gentleman that loves being forced to lick the dirty soles of a woman's shoes who's also a very good with computers so I barter. He fixes my site and get's to clean my shoe soles afterwords.
#2 Paying isn't the only way to get teased properly. I was just corresponding with LookingUp about this a while back. You need to network, get yourself out there at places like here, Fetlife, munches in the town or area that your in and be honest, friendly, show your real and safe and most of all communicate exactly who you are and what your looking for. There are opposites out there in the same boat although hard to find I admit looking for someone to befriend. Because of the economy a lot of women are saturating the market in hopes of making some extra cash but with determination and consistency you'll cut through them and find your true fetish mate.
Lets be honest, if you were looking for a good doctor you wouldn't do your search at the hardware store.
It will be as serious as you are. :moon::whip:

[blackvoyeur]

Hello Mistress1984, I feel honoured that you have taken the time out both to read and respond to my posting. Another domme also suggested offering my services so I will certainly give it serious thought. I also work in the computer industry fixing, upgrading and removing viruses from PCs amongst other things. I am sure that someone would find my skills useful.
From a submissive standpoint, although licking boots wouldn’t do anything for me. I would be more than happy to do ironing chores for any domme that finds it tiresome or boring.
If there is one quality I have it is patience. Quality is very important to me so I would rather wait for a genuine domme that I click with than make do with the first that comes along. Thanks again for the constructive comments it is very much appreciated.
Love the comment about finding a good doctor by the way lol

[Stryder]

Are you on fetlife Mistress1984?

[Mistress1984]

Are you on fetlife Mistress1984?

Not any more. I was finding that I didn't have time for all the sites I was involved in and dropped the few I used the least.

[sinbad]

That's a shame fetlife is one of the better ones in my opinion. Good luckbv.

[MistressRoxxie]

Wow, there are several issues here.

I'm a pro-domme, but I also have a personal life. I blogged about this recently. Women work in the adult industry for a lot of different reasons and you can't assume that just because a woman charges money doesn't mean that she can't or doesn't enjoy playing. I play with several friends privately because they're friends and not clients. Everyone else is a client. I Only have so much time and patience, and I'm overwhelmed by guys that want to be my friend and most of them I ignore. By charging, I get politer and higher quality guys that have a better respect for my time, energy and boundaries. It's a great filter. I don;t want to play with guys that are so entitled that they think I owe them something for free and that they're god's gift to women. I go out to clubs and I want to start stabbing eyes out and cutting off tongues. Going with a paid transaction is far more efficient for both parties. We both get what we want quickly and without too much hassle or drama. Everyone goes away happy. And of course not everyone gets along and gets what they want out of a pro session. There are lousy restaurants and movies. We all have our personal preferences.

[blackvoyeur]

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I also enjoyed reading your blog on this very same topic.

Thank you again

[darkindiantrampleguy]

I remember being tied up by a pro dom when I was a very young Stryder, which I kind of put up with but then she went to the next room to work on another client and kept coming back and forward between us and never brought her feet or heels near me.

That has happened to me as well, I find the best dominatrixes or working girls to pay are the ones that are new and not accustomed to the routine yet.

[gimmepain99]

stryderman.com plus DVD's and clips for sale back in the day.

yeah, it's a shame i only discovered your site just before it went down/changed hands and only managed to buy a couple vids. if you ever reconsider filming and selling clips of your recent exploits let me know,