Girlfriend Question

[kevar]

If you have a good relationship with your girlfriend, other than her being not willing to explore trampling.....
How many of you would be willing to split up?
Waits and wonders........

[lildog]

If the rest of your relationship is good, it would be foolish of you to discard it because she wont trample.

but, if the relationship is good she should....

Its a hard call bud.
speaking truthfully from my perspective, my wife of 17 years doesent like trample either.
It annoys the hell out of me, but I've learned to live with it.

theres always 'vanilla' sex.
:cry: :sadcry: :barf: :bore: :(

[mike19]

I could never in a million years marry someone not into trampling me.
As for a g/f...id date her for awhile, but id let her go before i got to attached.
If its a strong relationship she should open her mind and try new things... if she's that closed minded i'd move on for sure.

just my opinion.

[door_step]

Imo, it all depends on how strong your urge for trampling is.
If you don’t enjoy vanilla sex and trample is the only thing for you, a relationship is bound to get into trouble if she is absolutely not into trample and doesn’t allow you (or want you) to have your trample needs fulfilled with a woman outside your relationship.

So it depends on the balance and I think no “stranger” without real full knowledge of your present relationship can give a good advise at all.
Good luck and good thinking over :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

My 2 cents

Doorstep

[The Penguin]

Life is short period
Make your decsion carefully after weighing up the options
take your time and don't rush it

[memphisdoormat]

I agree with penguin life is short live it too it's fullest...Take it from my experience...I have been married twice both women were into trampling me at first then got tired of it...So i have learned to get my trampling elsewhere...Somethings are best left untold....I wouldn't advise marrying or not marrying a person because she will or will not trample you....If you feel in your heart she is the one...Then do it...But if you question your feelings simply because she won't trample you...I would step back & think about it...If your desire is to be trampled...you will find a way to be trampled...It's that simple !!!

[BENSONM]

This discussion is very interesting...

Memphisdoormat is right, you should feel that in your heart she's the right one...

... on the other hand, sexuality is an important thing in everybody's life. And ours is a bit.. peculiar. So a relationship with a woman that is not into trampling can be very frustrating.
Not only frustrating for you because you cannot fulfill your deepest desires with your wife, but also for her since she expects you to have vanilla sex with you. If she's aware of your fetish fantasies, she might even make you feel like a "pervert" (which is never a nice feeling) claiming that it's only your fetish that makes you hard. If she doesn't know about your fetish, she might feel that you are not attracted to her anymore, since you don't get excited in the sexual act...

... as you can see... problems & frustrations...

I am somehow in the same situation. My girlfriend knows that I like trampling. First she didn't realize it was actually sexual (she's asian, and is used of trampling for massages), until she found some (badly) hidden favorites in my Browser :rolleyes:
She didn't take it positively.. i tried to convince her that it was nothing.. and somehow it worked. Today? I have regular sex but have to think of trampling & domination... it is frustrating...

But you cannot "have it all".... :)

Hope it helps...

[cjx]

When your life flashes before you at the end, you won't remember the times she hurt you, you'll remember the times she was nice to you.

You won't remember when she annihilated your face, but you will remember that she was by your side when you needed her. And you'll remember her shining face in times of happiness.

Imo it's more important that you are with somone who is a good mother, and a good person. You can get your trampling elsewhere if needs be. It's just trample.

[catwalk]

If your fetish is being trampled, then trampling is more than just being walked on. Its outstanding foreplay. You may or may not have sex afterward, but you're sure thinking sexually arousing thoughts while being trampled. The proof is in your pants.

My own experience has been to tell the woman I'm seeing about my fetish right away. (first sex encounter) If she's totally turned-off, then the relationship probably wasn't meant to be. My last ex-girlfriend was unsure at first, but she never said anything negative. After a couple months, she trampled me like an expert.

Kevar...In your situation, you've already invested a lot of time in this relationship, and that's something you have to think very hard about before giving everything up to find a woman who shares your fetish.

Myself, my trample fetish drives me quite a bit. This distraction could potentially lead me into some serious relationship problems down the road. What I've discovered is that there are women who want to make their men happy anyway they can, so long as they're treated right, and their men make every effort to make them happy too. And then there are the other women who are not like that, or start the relationship like that, but lose interest.

Try to find-out what kind of a woman your girlfriend is. A lifetime is a long time to look back, and wonder what if? Keep this in mind too. One of the guys on this board, or daddo's old board wrote some stories about his adventures getting trampled by other women, because his wife wouldn't do it. One night, his wife was in a frisky mood, and just like that, she decides try trampling him.

If you've spent a lot of time in this relationship, and can't walk away from it, use persistance and time. Drop little hints. Things like, "You know, when we have an argument, all you have to do is stand on my face, and you'll win the argument every time." , or if you really want an elaborate plan, setup a nice romantic evening at a bed and breakfast, and get a room with a jacuzzi. Usually after a jacuzzi, and a little wine (and some masterbation before hand) you might be a little slow to get-up. That's when you say, "If you really want it to go up, your gonna have to walk on me." This assumes she's really in the mood for sex. I don't make any promisses that these will work, but it can't hurt to try them out. The bed and breakfast is nice because your doing something nice for her, she may be considering doing something nice for you. (You can even start her out slow, get her to place her feet on your face while your lying on your back and she's sitting on the bed. Once she's comfortable with this, move on to something a little more daring.)

If your relationship goes the distance, this is going to be one of those small relationship issues that will become huge later in life. I say it's better to address it now then later.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

- catwalk

[max5876]

Hi guys,

I can only relate to you my own personal experiences, having been with J for around 6 years (not that long I know). When we got together it was as the evolution of a friendship, it never having occurred to me that I should have sought out a partner specifically to satisfy my kinks. As it turned out, after a couple of months I confronted her with a whole bunch of stuff that had been eating me up for years - and we're not just talking trample...back then I was pretty confused, and the advent of the internet and all its wonders was leading me in a fairly extreme Femdom and BDSM direction at the time. So I told her *everything*, including some stuff that I didn't even really want to try myself....but the opportunity to actually talk to someone about it for the first time in my life seemed too good to pass up at the time.

I guess the state of my head is analogous to the ecosystems of New Zealand or Madagascar or something (no honestly) .........leave something alone for long enough with its own peculiar set of influences, stimuli and so on, and when you finally come to compare it to what's "normal" elsewhere, its so far removed as to be practically incomprehensible to the rest of the world. I think its also an inherent danger when social taboos dictate the formation of communities like this......we are all the products of a kind of parallel evolution, starting decades ago in most cases, but just because we implicitly "understand" each other to a certain extent, doesn't necessarily make it any easier to explain ourselves to the vanilla sector of society, which is probably where most of our partners come from.

Simply coming out and telling somebody that you like a certain activity is like giving them the answer to the question of Life, the Universe and Everything. OK, she might say yes and stand on you right there and then, but in my opinion its the long, complex, continuously evolving sequence of events that have shaped what I like which gives it its significance and depth. The "question" to which the actual trampling is the "answer" in other words. Explaining all this to somebody who until that day in their lives didn't even know your fetish existed is a tall order, but I think that in order for a relationship to flourish its important to share as much as you can with your partner, however long it takes to do so (all said with the benefit of hindsight). Anyway, she didn't freak, even though I didn't really offer any explanation at the time, and for about 18 months was making a constant effort to accommodate my "needs". We regularly visited fetish shops around the country, bought all kinds of clothing and BDSM hardware, and generally explored things in a manner which I believed at the time to be mutually acceptable. I was having fun it must be said, and I guess in the heat of it all wasn't paying enough attention to notice J gradually going cold on the whole thing.

So began the long winter of our discontent. I went quiet because I was embarrassed and knew I'd made her feel bad, she went quiet (so I thought at the time) because she resented that part of my personality and so on, we hardly had sex at all for about 2 years (in fact we never really have "sex" anyway, but that really is by mutual consent), the toys were consigned to a locked box in the corner of the room, and I started to get more and more of my stimulation (mentally at least) from trawling the backwaters of the web, corresponding with a few Pro Dommes and other lifestyle fetishists in the process. Trying to sort my head out basically. As time went on my tastes changed, and my sexual interests evolved and clarified themselves immeasurably from that first time when I sat J down and told her I wanted to be her toilet slave and all the rest of it. *cringe*....you bet I regret it, yes. I don't think the phrase "out of left field" even began to describe it from where she was sitting. Its a testament to her that she didn't get up and leave right then.

Anyway, now we are in the process of trying to "start again", rebuild our sex life and share the things that are important, whilst trying to forget about all the other rubbish. The major irony of the situation is that J is a lot more willing to try stuff and experiment in principle now, but feels held back by the "spectre" of those early days. Another thing I didn't realise until recently is that for 5 years she had believed that I needed every one of the things I told her about way back then in order to get off, and because she didn't want to do them, even though she somehow felt she should, our physical relationship ground to a complete halt. In other words she loved me so much that she felt inadequate not to be broad-minded enough to be doing all that stuff to make me happy, and consequently didn't feel attractive to me....and that's not my arrogant presumption, she told me so herself. All as a result of not communicating with each other. I feel immensely guilty about the whole situation believe me.

So what am I trying to say? Well, firstly, I reckon that taking things slow is definitely the best policy. I guess different things work for different people, and the kind of suggestions that come up on the boards as to how to "trick" girls into trampling must work, otherwise they wouldn't continue to be recycled by so many people. From my personal point of view though, J is a highly intelligent woman, and a) I don't want to *trick* her into doing anything, and b) she'd see straight through me and end up feeling used or manipulated. I'd have a lot of explaining to do either way. If you love each other, are both adults, and able to converse on an emotional level about other things, it should be possible to introduce new ideas without causing too much of a problem. I f**cked it up royally at the first attempt, and there have been periods of time when I seriously thought that the only solution was to start again with somebody else who actively shared my interests. But as CJX put it in an earlier post - every time I think that, I also look back on all the awesome times we've had together, experiences we've shared, and all that gushy emotional stuff. Its true though. Too much to throw away. The only circumstances under which I would consider splitting up with J now would be if I felt that *she* was better off with somebody else, not the other way round.

Something else I heard, and this was from a woman of age 37 who I got talking to on Yahoo quite by chance, is that womens' self-confidence and receptivity to new ideas (sexually at least) increases with age. In her case, she was married for several years to a submissive guy, and eventually divorced him because she was unable/unwilling to understand and accept that side of his personality. Then as she passed into her early 30s her attitudes began to change, and she is now actively encouraging submissive behaviour in her current boyfriend, having looked back upon her marriage and realised how much potential fun she missed out on. I don't know how generally this can be applied, but having talked to her in some depth about my own situation, she definitely thought that I should persevere, on the basis that things will get much better with time.

Changing the subject slightly, there's also the issue of fidelity, and whatever complex legal definition you wish to apply to it. There are those who seem perfectly happy to see other women to satisfy their fetish desires, but still consider themselves 100% devoted to their partner. I don't want to open an ugly can of worms here, but I really can't see it. What we're talking about is getting your strongest sexual urges fulfilled by someone other than your partner, without her knowledge. Aha, but no *sex* is involved, you say. OK.........but I've heard more than one person say that they'd take trample over sexual intercourse any day. So we're talking about adultery, pure and simple, and I for one could never live with myself. As always, each to their own, but taking the easy way out like that without even discussing the matter with your partner seems like a pretty poor excuse. The bottom line as far as I'm concerned is that although there's no best-fit solution here, the fundamental values of honesty and respect should be equally applicable in all cases.

There may be a few people who read this and think "yeah, but this guy obviously doesn't feel as strongly about trample, feet, whatever, as I do". Man...I'm pretty sure I do. But I'm one of those people who believes that you really *can* have it all, without screwing around, and I never give anything up without a fight. I'm beginning to realise now, after a major false start, that if you are already in a relationship with *the one*, anything and everything is possible. Stick at it and good things will happen.

As always, these are just my senile ramblings....thinking aloud and all the rest of it. I don't expect anyone to agree with me, just putting in 2 cents and adding my own perspective........

Laters

M

[BENSONM]

After reading all the posts in this thread... i believe that a simple solution to Kevar's problem cannot be found. It depends of so many factor's. Especially of his girlfriend's culture, openness ...

I would do as Max suggests.. go for it, but slowly..

...

[kevar]

I appreciated reading all your comments and they have put things more into perspective for me. I will take things more slowly, I think I jumped in too soon with some fanciful ideas which did not go down very well at the time.

[oneforall]

thanks for taking the time, max. some of the deepest and most reasonable thoughts on this board ever, i think.

[kevar]

Appreciated

[castagnus]

Max;

It is seldom one reads genuine words of "wisdom" anywhere - let alone on a forum such as this. It is thertefore a great delight to read your musings here and my wife and I thank you for helping to elevate the quality of discussion on this excellent site.

You are right, one experiences the greatest contendness and happiness if one practises the old-fashioned values of honesty, thoughtfulness,self-sacrifice and loyalty to one's partner - intense sexual awakening frequently follows as I was lucky enough to have found out with my wonderful partner for life.

I will share with members of our site some of our kinkier experiences and likely send a couple of digital photos once we find out how to manipulate the confounded equipment without the aid of a third party.

Nobzil

[max5876]

hey peeps,

always happy to help. i'm no relationship counsellor, but if some of it made sense then i'm glad to be of service. i'll try not to write so damn much next time i stick my oar in, but i got carried away because the subject of the thread is so applicable to my own situation.

as an aside, i'm not sure if any of you use yahoo messenger, but i'm always looking for interesting people to chat to during the (british) day, working from home and being such a boring git as i am. if anyone wants to drop me a PM my yahoo ID is, incredibly, max5876.

see y'all later

max