Girlfriend Dislikes Fetish?

[Kev Rock]

I know this is probably the wrong place to put it, but i kinda figured everyone comes to this part of the forum and opens every thread.

I've been dating my girlfriend for 5 months already and we've have basically fell in love with each other, we basicly live together, she knows about my trample fetish since we started going out, and she didnt mind it at all, i told her that it was a turn on for me to get trampled, and see girls get dominate with her feet and weight by crushing things, she looked at me weird about it, but then she found it kind of intresting, so life went on she trampled me a bunch of times and told me she had fun doing it, she knows that i go to web sites such as this and bunch of other and save pictures and clips on a file that become my favorite and i of course get turned on by the stuff that intrest me such as trample and crush, later on i really started to like crushing and i had her crush my CD walkman and she even enjoyed that, now after 5 months she was starting to see it being an obsession more than just a fetish and she was started to worry, she read an article but guys with foot fetishes and a part of that article states that most guys with foot fetishes and more likely to cheat, now i've never cheated on a girl in my life and i will never do such act upon that action, but she tells me she doesnt understand why its such a turn on for me, she doesnt understand, and i dont understand it myself to explain it to her. We get in our love moods at night and she sees that i get more turned on by her trampling and crushing, then more of me being sexally attracted to her, and it bothers her alot and, now the bad part that causes a major problem for me, she wants me to see a shrink with her, to talk about this fetish, she wanted me to get rid of all my files, she wants me not to go on sites anymore, and not that you guys took the time to read my story, i need your guys help on what to do to keep my fetish and try to make her understand it.

Kev

[TF0]

Well I can understand how she might think [from that article] that guys into trampling might be more of a "cheat hazard".
Since so many of us are confused ourselves and sometimes can't believe that being involved in trampling warrants as a sexual activity.

But IMO she is [understandably] overreacting to something she doesn't quite grasp.

Even if you don't have a trample fetish I know of lots of girls who have complained about guys keeping porn around the house or on their computers.
Hell some girls complain about “why do guys feel the need to masturbate constantly” LOL.
Certain girls view masturbation as a form of cheating.

^Some of those complaints are warranted if the guy is constantly on the computer or the guy constantly in the bathroom. LOL
Hell most girls wrestle with the question in their minds whether their bf or spouse likes them for their personality or simply their body or a body part. :P

Only you know if your fetish is actually a "very" big fixation, so much so that it hinders you in other ways in the relationship.

I say go with her to a sex and relationship therapist.
Don't just go to some shrink who already has their mind made up about you and think "your crazy".

If the sex/relationship therapist is actually doing their job, they can diagnose whether you do have too much of a fixation toward "porn" and if you don't, the therapist can even explain your fetish to your gf from a licensed doctor's point of view.

I don't think the therapists is going to say anything negative about it since the science community don't really understand how sexual imprints are formed.
If he does, well LOL, go to another one and report the last one cause they were not professional and very biased and unfit for their task.

[kbrooks2]

whats up.. i would keep the fetish,you should'nt change yourself over somone unless you want.she knew about it in the begining and yet she still went out with you.i never herd about people with foot fetishes are more likely to cheat.my girl loves the fact that if i wanted to cheat on her it would be worshipping another girls feet and not having sex with her and thats how i am,i love sex but i do that with my girl only any other girl i simply smell,kiss,lick and suck on her feet and my girl dont mind at all,and if she did i would tell her this is who i am i dont change for anyone..
I must say,it is important that you make her feel sexy and wanted for herself and not just her feet or it could destroy your relationship.Sometimes when my girl and i have sex,i dont touch her feet at all,and she likes the fact that i can get off without touching her feet.
Wish you luck man. bye
kbrooks

[al751]

I am afraid that your girlfriend is right in one sense at least.
A fetish, IS an obsession.
At times people may develop an extremely
strong fascination with an act, body part, item
etc, not normally associated with sex. When the
attraction to the object of desire, is so strong that
this fascination substitutes itself ones conventional
libido, one becomes a fetishist.

That is what your/our girlfriend(s) need to learn to live
with, the fact that SOMETIMES, the desire to get
trampled would exceed that of having conventional sex.
Just like for some guys the idea of getting blown while
watching TV exceeds that of having convetional sex.

What's weird about you is the fact that you had the
courage to come out "of the fetish closet".
Having done this, you no longer fit the mistaken, but commonly
heald belief that fetishists always lead a double Jekyl/Hide life.
By the general/missionary-sex/public defining us in this way, you can how easy it would be to assume that a fetishist is more prone to cheat.

By the way, wherever that article from, I'll put my hand on fire
right now that its conclusions are complete and utter bullshit and it was just a page filler.

If you do go and see psychologist, I'll put my other hand on fire, that his/her focus will be on getting your girlfriend to accept this kind of flattery rather then the conventional kind. Afterall an erection is always an erection and nobody has ever mistaken it for love.

Good luck.
al.

[Syphonboy]

Do it behind her back... O but that's a form of cheating!!
See it's all coming out!! o_O~~

[mike19]

looks like its time to find a new g/f
you gotta put your foot down so to speak.
you tell her she either accepts it or its over.
if u cant do that then good luck trying to get rid of this fetish:)

[Footslave3000]

It's time I offer some insight on your problem Kev. In my opinion she is overreacting to the article in a magazine. Also I can tell you this if you have the fetish since you was young it will be so hard to get rid of it. The reason I say this is I had since I was 9 years old. It has been fanned into a flame that it has become a part of me. I think she loves you and she did it to please you but didn't really understand it. So go along with a few parts for now. If she sees that you are unhappy with this eventually she will come around and realize that the article in the magazine is so wrong. She might resume her activity on you. If not then you have to find someone who is so willing to do what you wanted all along.

[stilettohead]

I'd say go and see the shrink together. Let's face it, having a fetish (of any kind) is nothing to be ashamed about. It makes us all far more interesting. If you see a decent psychiatrist, or maybe even a relationship counsellor, there's a chance your girlfriend might get an objective and valuable perspective on the situation. Which could make things very interesting for you.
There's also a chance that it will go tits up... but at the end of the day, if your girl doesn't accept you for WHO YOU ARE... well... I think you know the answer to that one bud. Move on.

Whatever happens, happens for a reason.

[Jennifer]

Dump her ass!! :D ;) :p

HAHAHA.....just kidding!

Here's my advice. Find some way that she can get into the trample as well. Maybe start out with a foot massage for her and then you can get trampled and then have it turn into sex and that way she can be satisfied as well. Make it fun for you both and she won't loathe it so much.

[kevar]

I assume that you have already told her that the article she saw is a lot of crap (like a lot of articles in woman's magazines)
She either does not believe what you say, or does not want to believe it. Either way I would seriously consider looking for a new girlfriend.
I know it's not an easy decision, I actually dumped a long term girlfriend because she thought that anything involving any sort of trampling was "perverse" in her words.
After her, I went 2 years until I met my current girlfriend.
The wait was worth it.

[speedbump]

If you go to a therapist, be prepared for the fact that he/she will try to change you. I speak from experience on this matter, having gone to a therapist awhile back.
The therapist told me my fetish was indeed an abnormal fixation that could and should be eliminated or at least minimized. I was told that through aversion therapy, I would gradually loose interest in the fetish, and transfer my sexual desires to "Normal" ones.
Well guess what, it wasn't working. Probably because I just didnt feel right about changing who I was. The therapy was messing with my self identity, and I ended up feeling really conflicted about the whole thing. So I stopped seeing the therapist.
We are who we are. Live with it, accept it. If your girlfriend cant live with it, than her love is conditional, and she is not right for you.
On the other hand, Kev Rock, I have this one last bit of advice... Take responsibility to not let your fetish rule your life or objectify the women in your life. It will make a lasting relationship nearly impossible.

-E-

[cjx]

Originally posted by Kev Rock
she wants me to see a shrink with her, to talk about this fetish, she wanted me to get rid of all my files, she wants me not to go on sites anymore

She is asking you not to be yourself anymore.

Let me make this clear: This is totally unreasonable, unfair and also cruel behaviour.

If my girlfriend did that to me I simply would not be with her. My fetish, and I expect yours, is a significant part of who I am. I love her to absolute bits, and I know she loves me as much. I know she loves me because she doesn't want to change me.

I'm sorry to express this opinion, but if she doesn't love or at least tolerate your fetish, maybe she doesn't love you as much as she thinks, or maybe she isn't capable of the love you need.

cjx

[abbbbb99]

your problem, to a large extent, applies to all who are into trampling, female domination etc Our problem is greater than gays who are clear where their sexual orientation lies and have no interest in girls typically. while they may have to face ridicule from society, once they have declared themselves and opened up to ridicule, that's it.

for us, we have these fetishes but at the same time, many of us still are interested in girls, in having a life with them. its good and courageous of you to tell your girlfriend of your fetish right upfront, many of us either don't tell or tell a little in a joking manner and hide most of our activities.

i think the way forward is this: reassure her totally that you would never cheat on her, never stray from her. that means not being physically trampled by any other girls, too. you may fantasise about being trampled by others, and keeping photos / videos, but that is no different from any guy - let her know that even in the most loving conventional relationships, the guy is still likely to fantasise about other girls - tell her this is human nature, perhaps even mankind's survival instinct, and all is chemical reactions according to scientists - hence the 7-yr itch, the loss in interest in the same partner after some time, humans are not really meant to be monogomous according to scientists etc (by the way, this applies to females as well as males). But despite all that, men are willing to have society shaped according to how women want it, and we readily agree to being with one girl only, not polygamy, and in most case we don't cheat. We are willing to go against ourselves biologically because we love women so much that we are willing to follow the rules that women have made to have society according to their wishes (ie single partner only). Girls should understand this, and hence should adopt a more flexible attitude towards our masturbation, fantasising about others, keeping photos/videos etc - we are doing all this to help us avoid cheating on them in a real, physical self.

After having explained that, tell her you absolutely love her and care for her well-being. But trampling is your fantasy - its your way of bringing the sexual interest for her. every guy needs some fantasy to bring on the sexual urge - its not like we just get a sexual urge in just seeing the girl. when we see a sexy girl, we bring up different fantasies - some, like us, want to be trampled by her, some want to be tied up and be dominated by her, some may want to tie her up and dominate her, some may want to "conquer" her, etc etc The urge is never to have sex with her - the urge is always something else that then is finally manisfested in having sex with her (by the way, also true for females - they fantasis being "raped", beaten, consoling a crying men etc - never directly to have sex with him). Once this is clear, then your fantasy does not seem to be an exclusion of interest in her. I think once this is understood, your relationship will become great. Please feel free to show her this email if it helps.

By all means, go and see a sex psychologist or any other professional - a professional not a untrained person. this is the minimum you can do to keep your girlfriend happy. remember, a relationship is one in which the guy must go to all lengths to keep his girl happy, and the girl must be understanding and caring.

[requiem212]

The same situation happened to me and my old girlfriend,she knew I had a foot-fetish and at the begining was pretty eager
to satýsfy my needs.But gradually she started to comment on my files that were in my computer and that in some way I was cyber-cheating her and she made out that I would cheat on her in reality.I explained to her nearly everyday that it would be impossible and that I loved her,So problems increased and we ended up going to a psychiartrist.I was shitting my pants that the shrienk would have a negative opinon on my behalf but luckily
the shrienk was really cool about the matter:we talked about freud the invention of pvc plastic and subjects like the start of high heels the effect on fashion concerning fetishism etc:We went to the guy for 3 sessions but my girlfriend would not quit the cheating business so overall the shrienk said that this was pretty common and that it was harmless and that the cheating factor had nothing to do with my fetish directly.I was so happy that he could understand(probably he had some kind of fetish to:))But
the sad part was that my girlfriend dumped me after a week,probably couldn't take the facts so then I understood that she was the one with the problem and its called paranoya!

[adamant19uk]

DITCH THE BITCH!!!!!!!!

:2guns: :2guns: :2guns:

(Was that too blunt?:confused: )

[chevalier1971]

I think there's no good in consulting a therapist.

Personally I mantain on two diverse sides my life with my girlfriend (who dominate me every day) and my hobby (attending this forum, for example).

She knows that I surf in trampling-sites, but she seems not interested in my way to surf internet. I think she wouldn't be so pleased if I would tell to her; for this reason I don't say it to her, and she pretends to don't know.

The only think she wants is that other women don't trample me:rolleyes: even if sometimes some girlfriends of her trampled me after she has "beaten" me.

Our womn must accept our behaviour as we have to accept her one. There's nothing bad or criminal in being trampled, or in worship women's feet... so if she doesn't accept it she is selfish!

A little suggestion: don't rivelate too much to your girlfriends; some parts of our life (we don't do nothing bad) must remain secret.

Chevalier.

[TF0]

Nothing wrong except when you focus on it too much or it can be construed as cheating when you often "jack off" to trample pictures 24/7.

The gf doesn't have the right to get you to change your sexual preference but she does have a right to question whether or not that preference is an very big obsession that rules your life.

And like I said above, it's the same deal with everything and not just fetish related.

[daddyfun58]

I had the same thing with my wife of 36 years.It was ok,as long as she was the one doing the trampling,But as soon as I started my first trample forum,she changed..

She said I was cheating on her in a cybey sex way,and did not (Still dosn`t),understand my desire to be trarpled by other women,and heaven forbid,I actually had the guts to reach out to share my fetiush with other like minded people.

She has no Idea how it fulfills me,when a new member comes to the site and says "I thought I was the only person with this Fetish".
I pretty much agree with the other posters,when they say don`t let her change you,and DO NOT...Go to a shrink.
My shrink was a woman,and did under stand.
My two cents worth...
Daddo

[footfanuk]

Dumping her is pretty radical. It may come to that if she can't change, but she may be able to accept you as you are. I'm sure that you wont change, you'll can't stop loving feet and trample any more than you change the colours of your eyes.

She's sadly fallen for a lot of propaganda -
women don't like porn (not as much as men do anyway)
society thinks some fetishes are normal and others aren't (eg blondes, versus feet...)
women fear that if you like porn or havea fetish, you won't love them.

I'd ty reassuring her how much you love her and try bringing her into your world, one step at a time (no pun intended). Maybe lay off the crush stuff for a while, just try foot fetish stuff, then trample, then see how you go... try to bring her with you, but don't let her make you change yourself. It's a tricky problem but it can be done. When I raised my fetishes in the past, my gf was concerned about where it would lead and what I'd expect next - she was a lot happier when she realsied what i wanted and that it went no further.

[arthurn]

Most of us have had this fetish since the start of real memory. It is not something we can get rid of. We can ignore it, but the desire to fondle feet, be trampled will always be there. You can not deny who you are or what you feel. I aggree with some of the others in that with any relationship you can't just focus in on one thing. You have to give her what she wants too. You have to pay attention to other aspects of the relationship, both sexual and otherwise. If she is concerned about cheating then you must assure her that you only want to be trampled by her. Also tell her, just look around. Alot of men cheat and some men have a foot fetish, so it is only logical that some men with a foot fetish will cheat. But one can also say that most men who cheat, don't have a foot fetish.
As far as seeing a shrink or a therapist, that is up to you. I would not go with the intent of changing who you are.
And lastly, your girlfriend needs to do some soul searching. Being a foot lover is part of who you are. If she can't take all of you, then maybe you two need to cut bait and move on.
Just my thoughts.
Arthurn

[brek]

Run like the wind.

[Kev Rock]

Well one thing for sure is that im not gonna break up with her because of it, i cant shes the one i love, but i seem to figure out that the biggest problem is that shes that i may have a weakness to other girls, she says "i get easly attracted to other girls feet", but i would never fondle with them, "she tells me how would she know that". So basically she has no trust in me in to have a fetish, i had an incident once a little over a month ago where i have done footplay over the internet which was considered cybering, i didnt think that it was much of anything but a foot tease over the net, and my g/f read it and called it cheating, she was furious at me and was on the urge of dumping me but she couldnt caue she loved me, but now ever since that incident shes lost full trust in me cause she'd think it'll happen again, last night i tryed to fondle with her feet, and she wouldnt even let me, she wants me to try as hard as i can to lose my fetsih, but to lose it is like turning striaght to gay, feet is what im turned on by, it is my sex fantasy, nothing else arrouses me. Now i gotta figure out how to gain her trust back, and how to keep my fetish only with her.


Should i see a theripist with her?

Thanks for the thoughts guys.

Kev

[TF0]

I completely understand where your coming from.

She doesn't so much as have a problem with your fetish preference as she thinks you are cheating on her.

Her take on this fetish is that it allows guys to cheat easier.
And she thinks you are more attatched to her feet than to her.

Convincing her that you lover her[whole package] is ofcourse the way to go.

Also do go to the relationship therapist....key words there is relationship therapists.

The way I see it, she also has some insecurity issues.
Just my guess.
The relationship therapist should be able to deal with the problem of "trust" very easily cause believe me it comes up alot in those sessions.

I mean, even somehow you painstakingly got rid of your fetish, I think your partner is still gonna bitch later on in the future if you do so much as smile and chat with another attractive women or look at porn.
What I'm trying to say is, it's not your just your problem.
She also has hers. Which is true in relationships.

So go to the therapist. :D Good luck.

[Kev Rock]

I'm Kevin's girlfriend. Everyone is making me out to seem like I am trying to change him or something. First off, I am not trying to change him. I love and accept him for him. But there also is a limit. When a guy is solely turned on by a certain action and nothing else, there is a problem. And when you two go to a mall and every two seconds your partner turns to you and says "check out that girls feet/sneakers." It makes his partner feel unattractive and worthless. Kevin only gets turned on by me walking on his CD player. If he had a choice between having a naked girl do anything for him or just a pair of feet, he would choose just feet. Kevin gets only erected from feet, nothing else. Kevin is easily manipulated by girls. And no matter which way he would like to twist it or turn it, I put up with a lot of stuff with him that not that many girls would do, because I love him. He lied to me, betrayed me and even cheated on me and guess what? I'm still with him. And he lives with me. He is not in the "fetish closet" and never has been. He told everyone and flaunts about his fetish to girls. Every girl friend I have knows about his fetish and has even trampled my boyfriend. He doesn't tell guys 'cause he is supposedly embarrassed by it. All the guys know though. He goes to websites constantly, watches videos and looks at pictures. And then at night, doesn't want me to do anything except trample or crushing. There is nothing else that turns him on or makes him experiance an orgasm. It's been out of control.

So before everyone starts passing judgement or says dump the bitch, put yourself in my position. Yes most of you guys have girlfriends that are accepting towards it, but I'm sure there are other things you do as well to make both of you enjoy sex. Not just feet and that's it, nothing more. Trample, suck her feet, crush, have an orgasm and that's it, nothing else; roll over and go to bed. I don't want him to go to a shrink, I suggested we go to a sex therapist to get this resolved. As for that article, I am not overreacting. I just know how Kevin is. There are I'm sure plenty of faithful guys who have fetishes. Despite how Kevin says he would never cheat on his girlfriend, he has. He wasn't even guilty or honest enough to tell me for myself. I found out the hard way. I never once said I enjoyed, liked or found it interesting, his fetish. He has tried desperately to help me understand and make me enjoy the same thing. He asked a friend of ours without my permission if she would be able to trample me. I didn't appreciate that. I'm not into it, never was and I never will be.

~ Angela

[Footslave3000]

Angela well the picture is clearer now. I can see that you weren't overreacting. You may have some valid points there.
Kev you need to see a sex therapist. Angela e-mail me for stronger measures if you please?

[TF0]

Hi there.
Thanks for taking the time to post your point of view Angela.

A sex/relationship therapist is most likely the best path to take.

I believe hundreds of these cases come up each week.
Not specifically "walking over CDs" LOL but sexual fixation, trust and "equal enjoyment" for both partners in any given relationship.

Men as you know, whether they have a fetish or not, do think about sex for every five minutes or is it every 5 seconds. LOL
It's in men's nature.

Going to the therapist to ask that Kev's "foot fetish" be redirected to lets say "boob fetish" may not actualy solve the heart of the problem in your relationship IMO.
<---Which many women would characterize as a "wandering eye" and a "recieve but no return problem".

^These two types of relationship difficulties can be fixed since they probably been an issue around relationships since the dawn of time LOL.

Probably the first thing that the relationship therapist will tell you two to do would be to open up to each other more and let each other know what each of you need from one another.
Yeah, you'll be surprised how much a nice long talk can resolve.

[Princess Erica]

I think you need to see it from both sides and not just yours. How much do you care for her? If you really love her you would take the time to go thru this with her but it is a 2 way street and since she knew of your fetish since the beginning she has to be understanding as well.

In a relationship both partners need to be satisfied. She may feel left out, like it is just that feet that interest you and not her. I think that you should delete your files but under one condition with her....make new ones with you and her :)

As far as a psych, I don't think it is that serious but then again I don't know you. Make sure your girlfriend knows that you love her for more than just her feet. I would be extremely frustated with my boyfriend if he did not get turned on by my other parts. I would probally feel insecure and wonder what was wrong. Show her more attention and when I say more I mean her and not her feet and remember her feet are as much as apart of her as her breasts...show them attention too!

[speedbump]

Dearest Angela,

I dont mean to sound negative...but Oh boy! your work is cut out for you. Your kev Rock seems to have more than just a fetish. After reading your post, I think its safe to say its more an obsession. The first clue of this is the fact that he would notice only the feet of a naked girl, and nothing else.

You say that you "accept him for him". Well that better be true, because wouldn't be able to change his feet/trample desires for all the money in the world. What you CAN do is work on his social/relationship skills. The impression I get, is that even if kev was "Normal" in his sexual interests, he would still let his eyes wander and ogle other girls. But instead of lusting over and longing to be under their sneakers, he would be lusting over getting in their panties or fondling their breasts.

Shame on you Kev Rock!!!...Seriously!
Pay attention to your girl, and stop being such a dog. Instead of eyeing the shoes of every girl that walks by, try devoting more (alot more) attention to the one you chose to be with. You can never ditch your fetish...it is hard wired permanently. Instead, try expanding your interests. Thats what I have done and it has worked wonders in my relationship. Its and old saying...but its all about give and take

Good luck to you two.

Eric

[Kev Rock]

It's become that bad, that yes i have a wondering eye of looking at girls feet everywhere i go, and its just as bad as looking at every girls boobs as they walk by, ive gone out of control and its gone to far that i really need to try hard and get help for it, i have agreed to see the sex theripist about this issue, from this point on i have to control myself and not do the things i used to do that Angela has said, i have to fight my way to not be turned on by her feet and start getting turned on by her, believe it or not this is really sad but i believe that im not turned on by any woman but her feet, i'm always used to being turned on to feet and masturbating to them, never to a chick or a chick being naked, not even Hot Net or playboy channel arrouses me cause i was only intrested in girls feet and nothing else, and for that i have a serious problem that i DO hafto fix, and i will do my hardest and not give up on fixing this bazzare problem. Its come to a point where i dont find myself normal, i never did. So now im off, and hopefully all of this will change and work out like it should for a normal person.

Kev

[cjx]

Originally posted by Kev Rock
i have to fight my way to not be turned on by her feet and start getting turned on by her, believe it or not this is really sad but i believe that im not turned on by any woman but her feet

...i have a serious problem that i DO hafto fix, and i will do my hardest and not give up on fixing this bazzare problem. Its come to a point where i dont find myself normal, i never did. So now im off, and hopefully all of this will change and work out like it should for a normal person.

Right, so you want to be "normal". Good luck.

In my opinion your problem is not feet, the problem is that you are obsessed with your own pleasure and orgasms. Liking feet is the same as liking any other part of the female body. If you were obsessed with breasts or vaginas presumably you would be "normal", but I doubt your girlfriend would be any the happier if you spent your life on straight porn websites looking at pictures of "normal" naked women with spread legs.

In 5 years time, when you have in vain tried to "get rid" of your fetish, you will find that it runs deeper than you ever imagined. It is not possible to change your feelings about female feet without completely deconstructing your personality, as they are formed in babyhood.

If you are going to try and change that, be prepared to find out some things about yourself that don't feel so great. When you bring out such deep feelings you can't bring them out in isolation -they all come out together.

Best of luck anyway
cjx

[trampled1_2000]

Here it goes...The boy needs to work very hard to give you all his attention. The wandering eye has always and will always be bad for a relationship. Pointing out other girls feet is unacceptable. Now lets be honest though. If you saw a cute guy you would look for a moment and say to yourself..."he's cute". Nothing wrong with that. Same for him. We can't poke our eyes out. So have some balance.

Now on the sexual side of things...let me tell you about my wife. The only way she can have a orgasm is to get on top of me and grind away. I am not even inside her. (please excuse my graphicness) She loves it and goes nuts. I have to endure alot of discomfort though. Her pelvic bone presses pretty hard. But guess what...I do it anyway because I love her and want to make her feel good. I would never say that isn't the normal way to have sex. It doesn't do anything for me, I'm not into it, and therefore I will never do it again. All I know is it does something for her and that makes me happy. Even though I am a little raw (bygones).

If you love him you will do what makes him happy. But he has to do the same for you. There is no room for selfishness in a relationship period.

Indeed you have put up with alot. More than some other women might have. Dude you better be greatful for what you have.

And on the last note......damn it would be awsome to have my girl be trampled by another woman. That would be so amazing. Would you even consider it???? Sorry...once a trample slut.....always a trample slut.

trampled1_2000

[rugman]

Kev, buddy. You have got to learn to be polite. It is not acceptable to “notice” other women when you’re with your own woman. It’s downright disrespectful, and Angela apparently feels that way. You want her to respect you and your desires. Likewise respect her

Ogling at any time is pretty unsavory behavior. There are reasons for this: 1) The woman you’re looking at may get the wrong idea, thinking you are taking an interest in her (as in for a date). 2) People generally don’t like to be stared at. 3) Your actual point of interest is not immediately obvious to the woman, though the fact that you’re looking below her chest is (think about it). 4) Many women become alarmed when receiving extended, intent stares from men. So it’s rude to her to salivate so openly.

A brief glance of appreciation, done with deftness and (hopefully) without being obvious, or even noticed, is about as much as social politeness can allow.

If what Angela said about you being easily manipulated by girls is true (and you’ve not disputed it), you have got two problems in that regard. First, (and yes, I’m calling you out on this one) you do it on purpose. You like the thrill of a girl dominating you. It feels good and warms you up inside. How do I know? Been there, my friend. You need to stop this (and you can if you concentrate). The second problem is that Angela has doubts about your fidelity based, in part, on this tendency of yours. Okay, it’s logic time again: If girls easily manipulate you, then if a girl takes an interest in trampling you, or letting you play with her feet, then you could “let” yourself be manipulated into doing it, even though you’ve promised not to. At least, I’d wager, that’s what Angela is thinking. Again, you need to, and can stop this. You don’t have to experience every thrill available at every opportunity. I know it’s a target-rich environment, but you have a responsibility to show some self-respect, and honor to Angela, by engaging in some serious self-restraint.

One other thing. I’ve read a lot here about Angela’s purported desire to change you. She denies that she does, but I’ll have to very respectfully disagree. She does want to change you, but some of that change would be good for you both. I’m not talking about giving up your fetish; I tend to agree with those who say that this is a tall order at best, and a disaster at worst. But it’s not your fetish that is the real problem here. Your inattention to Angela is the issue here. Yes, I’m sure you lavish attention on Angela’s feet. But she too has needs and desires and fantasies. Do you know what they are? Have you asked her? Have you helped her experience them? Do you giver her needs/desires/wants/fantasies as much attention as you give your own?

There are some things that need to be changed here. You know it to be true. Know also that you have it in your power to change them. And if you need help in doing so, then proactively seek such help. Do it for her. Do it for you. You know this doesn’t make you happy, being selfish. Remember, this advice, which I dispense with such reckless abandon, is the exact same advice that I wish somebody would have given to me in the past. Ms Sara and I had to learn the slow, hard way. I was truly a bastard in my past. But I fixed it. So can you.

Finally, I think there’s a misperception going on here. It’s not that your fetish is bad, nor is it bad for your relationship. The problem is that it’s the only thing that Rocks your world. And the misunderstanding I see here is that people (including you) think this is an either/or situation. Either conventional sex does it for you or you can only get excited by your fetish. This is a false choice of monstrous proportions.

The issue here is not about whether you should (could?!) trade your fetish in for a conventional libido, it’s whether you want to add conventional sex to your list of turn-ons. I’ve seen this situation in two, very different men. Both were obsessed with only kink behavior, scratching only those kinky itches that they grew up with. Both suffered from something I believe to be pandemic in our community: a complete unfamiliarity with the sheer bliss that conventional sex can be.

Right now you’re saying some variant of “bullshit.” But imagine if you could feel as much pleasure while pleasing Angela as you feel when engaging your fetish. More than that: Imagine that you could feel a different, more fulfilling pleasure than your kink provides. The problem is that you’ve never experienced it, so you have no reason to think that it would do anything for you. That you don’t get hot watching the Playboy Channel causes you to believe that there’s no spark there.

Oh, but you are wrong. And you just have to take this on faith, just as Angela should take on faith that you do have the ability to thoroughly enjoy conventional sex. You just need to find a way to add it to your set of interests. Not that it’s an easy thing to do, but that capacity for enjoyment of conventional sex is there, it’s (what’s the word?) hard-wired into all of us. It’s our default programming. That we somehow got sidetracked into fetishism does not mean that the basic capacity for enjoying conventional sex was somehow erased.

How can I say this? Because, like I said, I’ve seen two good examples of how that default programming was brought to life in formerly very obsessed men. I’ll provide one example. One of these two was strictly kink. If a girl wasn’t walking on him, sitting on his face or riding him like a pony, there was no reaction in him. But then he met a girl who was into the scene, but also loved a good romp. Sure, he could ape “normal” sex, but she soon noticed something odd. He was always distant, somewhere off in his own mind. Well, what he was doing was furiously fantasizing about kink activities (providing the required level of arousal). She asked him about this, and he confessed.

In one of the most loving and kind acts I’ve ever heard about, this woman decided to teach him what was so enjoyable about conventional sex. She was patient, kind, forgiving and loving. She took her time over several weeks. She taught him to be open minded about the joys of fondling a soft breast, about the sweet scent of the nape of a woman’s neck. The texture of her hair. All the things that get ignored in overly fetishistic sexual encounters. She never berated him, but she instead made him comfortable. She went at his pace, gently pulling him along, and stopping where necessary. She also did one other smart thing. She listened when he wanted to retreat to the safety of his fetishes from time to time. She understood that the safe ad known give comfort, and comfort is necessary when exploring new experiences.

Point is that he eventually got it. And it was wonderful for him in so many ways that he found it hard to describe. It also, paradoxically, made his enjoyment of kink even better because he was finally free of that guilt he felt at not knowing how to enjoy conventional sex.

He didn’t trade in his fetishes; he added conventional sex to his tastes.

I hope I was clear.

Ken

[chicagofeet]

See, you let things go too long without properly pre-screening her. Start hinting on the very first date. By the third, the discussion should definitely shift to "do you like straight or unusual..." This is exactly what was discussed on The Bachelor, when they turned the cameras off!

Now you're in love with someone who will forever help satisfy you as a chore, and yes, looking elsewhere (without her blessing) would be cheating.

There is hope --
Doesn't she like anything unusual, in the bedroom or elsewhere?!
Make a game of I'll participate in yours if you do mine.

Good luck.